Christmas and Singlehood

Merry Christmas!

It seems really too crazy that we are only 5 days from the New Year. It was rather heart-warming this Christmas season, this being my second Christmas in a row spent away from home, to know just how many people there are within just a few miles and minutes away from me that care enough about me to invite me to their homes for Christmas celebrations and festivities. I felt terrible about waiting until what seemed like the very last minute possible to decide exactly where and with whom I would spending Christmas but I am so thankful to those invitations and to those who might have been inconvenienced at any time due to my indecision. 
However, I finally chose to go to a friend of mine's home in Bountiful. Now, as with every time I go to a friend's house to meet their family for the first time, I was as nervous as a fox in a hen house. How wonderful it was when I was picked up by my friend's cousin to drive halfway there and find someone to reassure me with words and stories about how fantastic this family was that I was going to meet. 
Then when the first thing said to me after introductions was to make myself at home in the house I had walked into (which was very beautifully constructed and decorated, by the way) I felt myself defrost internally. Even though I was at first left to converse solely with his father, I immediately felt at ease. 
I am completely convinced the Lord had a hand in this-- to be treated as kindly as I was although I could do nothing more for them than give them one more mouth to fill (and even another gift or two to be taken)... it is truly comforting to know how far the Lord's hand reaches from my home to make me feel at home if but for a moment in the house of friends who share the same belief.
And what a sweet and tender experience to be allowed to be among the family when their son who is currently on a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints called home to talk to them after having been out for just about 6 months. So much testimony was shared and I although I felt rather acutely of my homesickness having just called my own family at home, I was so very grateful to feel the love in their home. It did not hurt, of course, that he approved of my being there and also gave me a mission to be a good friend to his brother until further notice. 
This family also has a most wonderful tradition! Christmas morning before eating themselves, they always go to a certain homeless shelter near their home and fix breakfast for those who might happen to stop by the shelter that day. I was given the task of cooking scrambled eggs and made 3 full skillets of them. The sincere gratitude of the patrons that day was something to behold. A young boy came to the counter after having eaten (he was just about 2 years old) and thanked us most enthusiastically and it warmed my heart.  
I am so thankful for those gifts I was given this year. Thoughtful they were and I am glad of them. It did surprise me, however, when I got not one but three gifts and a stocking from this dear family. Without even knowing me, they bought a sweater/scarf ensemble, the color of which was quite different from any I am accustomed to but very beautiful and the perfect size! They gave me a warm BYU (go team!) sweatshirt along with some fun toe socks. A bottle of some of my favorite soda attached to a bag of popcorn made me smile as well as the individual's size of Martinelli's, a candy cane, two rolls of Life Savers hard candy, sweet petal lotion, Japanese Cherry Blossom body wash, bubble gum balls in one of those candy cane shaped containers and even the stocking itself which they purchased for this occasion. 
Although it wasn't the last present I opened, it was the one that surprised me most because it was the first of the two unexpected gifts. After having served at the homeless shelter, we went to his mother's parents' home for breakfast (which was an interesting egg and shrimp casserole that I wish I could have fit more of into my tummy). After breakfast, their family tradition is to open gifts with everyone. But not just any gifts-- it is kind of like a Secret Santa thing between all the cousins and then the gifts from grandchildren to grandparents and children to parents and then grandparents to children and grandchildren. How fun it was to see all the looks on the children's faces when they opened their gifts, I was quite content sitting beside my friend and looking on.
But I was pulled to the front by his sister who handed me a gift from the family and I was referred to as, more or less, an honorary cousin. Opening the gift revealed a blanket. I would have to say that it was a symbol of all I felt the last two days. It was soft and warm, much like my feelings and heart during this time of year that is hard to find oneself away from family. 
On a fun note, I also got to do something else I had never done before. That is right. I, Cassidy, was aloud to wield a snow-blower. After Christmas Eve dinner (another delicious and surprisingly warm and welcoming family affair during which we shared our musical talents and even I, the guest, was given the invitation to sing for them), since it had been snowing practically all day, we needed to clear the driveway for the sake of safe parking and such. So I was in charge of getting as much as the top snow loosened off the drive with the lawnmower-like snow-blower. My hands were an amazing shade of pink by the end but, oh, was it worth it! (A side note- I even got to choose the Christmas Eve movie and I chose the Polar Express!)

In much shorter terms, I had a beautiful blast of an experience the last two days and I am thankful I made the choice and am also thankful the Lord moved the hearts of this family to take me in to their home during such a busy time of their year. 

So. I remember just a few blog posts ago promising I would never talk of boys again until something happened... well...
Haha! Okay, so nothing has changed as far as my status goes but one of the gifts I received from my parents was a talk on CD by John Bytheway entitled What I Wish I'd Known When I Was Single: How to Do Life as a Young Adult. I will admit that I was a tad embarrassed to open this in front of the family I had just become acquainted with but I listened to it just a little while ago and you know what? It was brilliant! Not only was it full of humor, the way Brother Bytheway is apt to be when he speaks to young adults (and the youth as well), but it was full of great quotes from apostles and other authorities of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints along with his opinions and also scripture references from all the standard works (yes, even the Bible was used for those outside the Church). I would most definitely recommend it to any of my other single friends (and even those who are not my friends, haha). 
It started out with a metaphor Brother Bytheway came up with himself. It goes roughly like this: a single, unattached, adult is sitting at a piano. Before them sits a duet. It is titled "Marriage". Looking at the piece, you can tell it will be most beautiful. Yet, it is a duet and thus needs two people, and 4 hands to play. As the would be player sits there, someone approaches and asks, "Why are you not playing the song?" The response: "I would, but unless someone chooses to play it with me, I cannot." The someone replies with some remark along the lines of the player just not trying hard enough, or lacking faith, or even (dare they say it) the player is being "too picky". And then... they walk away. Others follow in suit, say much the same thing with their "all knowing" opinions and walk away. 
I loved this metaphor because of its use of the piano and duets because it is something I understand and completely relate to. 
How many times have I or others I know been approached and asked why we are not married? I probably could not count the many of times on my two hands. The wonderful thing about the first part of Brother Bytheway's talk is the realization he gives that marriage is not something we can do alone (it is one of the few ordinances of gospel in which we need another person to fulfill the commandment). It truly does not matter how many times you fast and pray to find out who the one you end up with will be if they do not use their own agency to choose you in the end, too. 
He continues on to talk about how we should not sit in our rooms all day and bemoan our singlehood. Find happiness in being single! Show the world that you can be interesting by yourself! (Funny how my parents have been telling me this all my life... heh) It is not attractive to sit around and talk about being single with every breath and every conversation. Go out and live your life. Give yourself opportunities by being around people and having contact with new people so that you have not wasted your time in your sadness. 
Another point he made was how it is never a question of "Did I miss my chance?" but rather simply relying on God's timing and His knowing of what you need a given time of your life. Heavenly Father is always mindful of His children and will guide you if you let Him. You have to stop worrying about what you cannot control and simply work with what you can. Be a better person. Improve upon yourself every day. Find those things that might not be as attractive (in Brother Bytheway's example a lack of listening to what people are saying directly to you) and learn how you can change them and become a better you. 
In short, if you are doing all that you can to just be you and grow the way the Lord wishes for you to do since you chose to come to this earth, it will work out. But of course, there is the little matter of agency. Not only the agency of those who you would marry but yourself as well.
The last part I want to comment on is the section where Brother Bytheway talked of finally finding the person you marry. Many people say that you must have a confirmation from the Lord if you are to marry someone. Therefore some pray about the person they have found and rely upon the Lord to give them a definitive yes or no... but his belief, which I also share is this: that you must study the decision out in your own mind first, make the choice and then lay it before the Lord. Sometimes you will not get a definitive yes. But who knows? I have heard it both ways. 
The Lord has given us the agency. We choose. We choose whom we marry. The Lord does not choose for us. And although that is a terrifying thought, at the same time it brings me comfort. I don't have to rely on a guy to tell me it is right because I can get my own confirmation. However, along with this choice we need to think about the people that we are dating. You have heard of the saying "you are what you eat". Well, applying it here, you marry who you date. True words, right? 
If you know that you don't want to marry a particular guy, do not date him. Sometimes I find myself going on dates to see if it could work out but I have always kept my head and made this promise to myself: if I do not feel that I could marry them (even if it is a shallow reason) I will not continue to date them. Not even casually. It may hurt them when I say no when we're "only at the beginning" but is not that better than continuing the game and hurting them even more in the long run? I don't find any use in it. Honesty should be the first thing on your mind when you go to date someone. If you don't really feel it, then don't do it! What do I mean? If there is no meaning behind holding their hand or giving them a kiss then do not do it. It might not be such a big deal to you but we are always communicating even in the silence. 
Of course I do not expect everyone to be honest but at the same time, I do catch myself on the verge of being dishonest in my feelings and therefore am continually striving to be better and more honest in my affections. I do not know if there is anyone that I have really hurt recently in the realm of dating but if there is, I apologize and hope that you would see me as I am. Striving just as everyone else is to be a better person.

Lastly... to my future husband. I love you and hope, pray and strive so that once we choose one another I might not let you down. 

And again, I am grateful to all those who have supported me this last year and especially recently with gifts of love, time and friendship. It truly means the world to me.