I am pretty sure there are moments in all of our lives when we stop and wonder if "karma" is a legitimate explanation for things that happen to you.
Honestly. You are going through life not really taking note of the moments when you are a little less kind or open with people and BAM! You have the same thing done to you and start to wonder. "Now, just what did I do for that to happen?" Well there are two explanations as far as I can see: the person that does it to you simply is not as close to you or high-thinking of you as you had assumed or karma is getting back at you for giving to cold shoulder to someone else who has crossed your path earlier that week, month, or possibly even year!
Now, I would rather say it was the latter but really it would more likely be the former. Why? Well, I really do try to not form friendships and close connections in my mind that do not really exist in real life. I cannot tell you how much it irritates me when someone acts like we are the best of friends when I would rather be anywhere but at their side.
I think I read somewhere that the things we hate most about others are the very problems that sit in our own personalities. Curse the 20/20 hindsight. However, with this said, I would rather have them kick me out of their friend group on facebook rather than have a person act as though they would rather be in the company of a crocodile than respond to a small conversation.
I will be upfront with you. I just recently purged my friend list and found myself dropped from 450+ "friends" to a mere 253... which is roughly 200 less people on my list of "friends". Those I kept were those that I feel I want to keep getting to know (or are my family and thus it might cause too much strife to get rid of them, haha). But what I am starting to think is maybe even of those 253... maybe there are some who would love to unfriend me...
It sucks to think about it and it would definitely be a blow to my self-esteem for a little while if they did simply block me from their facebook but at least I would stop thinking that I have, essentially, friends everywhere and realize just how few of those I want to get to know better want me to know them better.
Just a small conglomeration of thoughts on that subject...
On a happier note! I foresee myself being quite the busy little bee here in the next week or so. That is right. I am breaking down and looking into student loans. If I had a legitimate option B, I would definitely take it but it comes down to this: I am not progressing.
I did not take any classes during the spring and summer terms and consigned myself to one class last semester (acting fundamentals) and had decided I would do the same again this semester (jazz dance) and look harder for a full time job so that theoretically I could save enough money to get back onto a full load of classes and move on with my life.
SURPRISE! That was not getting me anywhere fast and, as unfortunate as it is, a young woman of my circumstance cannot afford to stay stagnant or slow-moving for so long-- not as far as money OR sanity is concerned.
Therefore, I am putting my big girl pants on, so to speak, and taking life by the wheel. I already have a schedule graphed out for classes and tomorrow is when I go to talk to the financial aid office.
After that, and after adding the proper classes, it will be to the advisement center to figure out where I am to go to apply for my majors of choice. I am aiming most hopefully at the Music Dance Theater major but have chosen Musical Elementary Education as a back up with a minor in dance.
I am aiming to be the woman the Lord wants me to be and I know with faith and the work I do through that faith will cause other things to fall into place that I have hoped and prayed for for at least the last three years.
So here is to renewed energy and anticipation of good business. I am thrilled at the thought of getting back on my feet and with both the Lord's good will and my bishop's counsel, I look forward with hope and faith.
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