Family

I have been aware of this for a very long time but as the holiday season and the end of the year draws ever nearer, it gives one pause and perspective to remember just how I have survived yet another year of this mortal life. And that, my friends, is my family. Not only because they are the one thing on this earth that is truly mine but because of their awareness of that fact and their willingness and unconditional acceptance and acting upon it.
Adulthood has been a rather wild and oft times rough ride for me and it boggles my mind to realize that I am coming up on my 6th year out of high school. I am still single and trying to figure out what it is I want to DO with my life. I get sick oftener than I would like and I am definitely not where I imagined I would be when I wrote that "10 Year Plan" back in my Senior year of high school.
I have suffered bumps and bruises but... in hindsight, I do not regret it. I have realized things about myself and about the people and world that I am surrounded by that I do not think I would have learned had things gone "according to plan".
I must admit, however, that this past year has been one of the most difficult. I am thankful that I have had a steady job so that I could have these difficulties without the added burden of great financial stress.
As those of you who read my blog know (and those who pay close attention to my Facebook posts even down to the comments on statuses) I came to the discovery this past year that I have depression and anxiety. The inkling of the possibility occurred to me towards the end of last year but did not bloom into a certain knowledge until around the end of January. Because of the nature of my anxiety, I did not set up meetings with a counselor until mid-March or so and by June I was told by my doctor that my depression, at least, was a chemical imbalance. Something he could not personally help me on.
Therefore I went to a medical doctor, told him my symptoms and started taking medication which I have been on for the last couple months now. I am happy to report that although I am not finished taking the medication, my emotion stability is much greater than it was to begin with and I cannot express my gratitude adequately. I have never been extremely savvy with expressing my emotions in front of others and was horrified at how I was quickly spinning out of control--waking in a slump and, no matter how many good and beautiful things would happen in a day, I could not pull my head above the water that I was drowning in.
I am steadily regaining my ability to see the beauty in the small things in my day and how refreshing it is to recognize them again.
However, I would not have been able to get to this point without my family. I know that they have kept me in their prayers quite diligently. I have been helped out financially so that the burden of doctor's bills would not be mine alone to bear. I have been given love and words of encouragement. Hugs when possible and smiles oftener than that.
I am thankful that they are so willing to help me out--that they make the time and have the energy with which to support me. I coming to the realization almost daily that this is not something to take for granted. My family is special. It is special in the case that they care so much and are willing and bold in the sharing of that knowledge. I have friends who would rather stay here in Provo rather than go home for the holidays. Why? I cannot fathom the resistance that they have or the home situations that they come from that would so strongly compel them to want to stay away.
My family is far from perfect. We fight and nitpick and have moods and moments of bad communication but I know that at the end of the day, if I had my choice, I would be there with them. Surrounded by them. I am thankful for the knowledge that at the end of the day, no matter the disappointments or anxieties we have caused each other, that we love each other and would do anything within our abilities for one another.
The world is so dark and lonely and it will only be darker and lonelier still if we cannot, first, learn to love our family--those who raised us and unconditionally (or at least should) love and support us. Life is tough. I could not make it through the end if I did not know two things--that I have a family here on this earth that love me and that I have a Father in Heaven who considered to give me one such as this that would be a help throughout my probation on Earth.
For these things I am most thankful. And I cannot wait for this month to pass and have us reunited (in house and over the internet) for Christmas.

Love,
Me