I find I have always been able to express myself best in writing. Don't get me wrong--the playing loudly of the piano may release stress but there is just something relaxing in being able to put what you are feeling and thinking into words. Into these little symbols we call letters that everyone associates with the same meaning or a similar feeling.
I may not have ever had the chance to go to a dance conservatory, an acting school, or a musical institution but I did get to go to school. A school where the learning of both sexes was deemed equal and good. I learned how to form my letters in rough chicken scratch that I eventually molded and practiced into the handwriting fewer and fewer people get the chance to see. But whether it's pretty to look at or blank of any instantaneous emotion in a set font the fact remains the same--that I was taught and then was encouraged to practice.
Writing has given me wings like no other medium has. In those days when I feel like I am not worth very much (regardless of how many people tell me otherwise and as opposing as the very thought is to the upbringing of my family) there is a place in me that reminds me of all the fictions and even non-fictional material that I have written and shared. And people have been able to relate to it. Some have even called it powerful. And that is something.
I also have a capacity to love that astounds even myself--scares me sometimes. And to realize that that ability will only be enhanced with my future experiences is stunning and quietly humbling.
Now, what do these two things have to do with one another? I am sure you will understand by the end of this.
Hello Darling.
I wonder what you are up to at this very moment. Are you studying? Socializing? Sleeping, perhaps or maybe working? I just wanted you to know that I have been thinking about you... I have been thinking about you for a while, actually.
I also want you to know that I am working. I am striving to become the best, happiest person I can possibly be on my own. I am practicing my talents and building up my patience. I am experiencing new things every week. I have had a few heartbreaks, too. But there has been such triumph that it mostly makes up for the thud of those moments when I realize that once again I was mistaken and that I had not actually found you.
I am encouraged daily that you are out there, searching just as I am. That you, too, are striving to be deserving of me when that day comes and we finally meet--whether that means we're meeting for the first time or are simply, finally having a meeting of hearts and paths.
I hope you haven't completely given up on me as I haven't given up on you. Soon we will find that final, elusive corner and chances are, I am going fall flat on my butt. Unless of course you have the reaction time of a superhero, in which case you might just catch me and allow me one less bruise.
I have had a hard time, dearest, but I know when I look back on it, I will realize just how much I needed those experiences to become the woman I am today.
I love you. So very much.
Good luck on whatever trials the Lord is blessing you with now. And know that I am waiting at the end of them and at the beginning of Us.
Until then, pray for me as I pray for you.
Stay close to your family and I will do better in regards to mine.
Enjoy the autumn colors and weather. I hope your hands stay as warm as your heart.
Love,
Me
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