So, I am going to take a different tack than I have been the last few posts (which I have been drawing from a list of 3o questions that are to help you get to know me, etc [aka, read some of my prior posts if you have no idea of what I speak and would like to know]). Instead of answering the next question, I would like to write on what has been weighing heavily on my mind the last couple of weeks (among other things to be certain, I am a woman after all).
What is this topic you ask? It is most simply this: how do I go about my life patiently waiting on the Lord's timing in respect to my eternal marriage?
The simplest answer I have been given is to not wait but rather continue on my way, planning my life, my studies, my general growth around me. It is not for me to worry at this point how I am going to fit a man into my plans. Not everything goes as we plan in the long run but it doesn't hurt to make plans. If needed, the Lord will help us change our plans to incorporate the one He has planned for us.
As I was looking for quotes to apply to the next question I am to answer (which will probably be in the next post) I stumbled upon a cornucopia of quotes said by Gordon B. Hinckley, the 15th prophet of the present day Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Oh, how I love President Hinckley! As most men that get to his age, he was very wise in the ways of life, the heart and goals. The first quote I stumbled upon that caused me to choose to write on this topic this morning is this:
“Through all of living have much joy and laughter, life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.”
It really does seem like I don't enjoy life as much as when I am laughing and finding joy in those things and experiences and friends that I do have rather than worrying about what is to come next (or not going to come, whatever the case may be). Of course, there is a time and place to "worry" about the future but those are the times when I make my decisions on how I am going to approach the future.
A year or so ago, I was counseling with my Bishop about life in general and making goals and decisions, setting plans for my future. Something that he said has stuck with me ever since. He said, "As long as the decisions and choices you make are working within the parameters of the Lord's commandments and expectations of you, then you can't go wrong." I often struggle with making clear and decisive goals because of my own subconscious bombarding me with the fear of failure or that I will make a choice not within the bounds of the Lord's approval.
I have been taught time and again that one is supposed to make a decision, as well-informed as possible, before presenting it to Heavenly Father for approval. In other words, do not expect to go to the Lord and have Him tell you exactly which choice and path to follow. This isn't to say that He won't give more specific direction from time to time, however we were sent to this earth to practice and use our agency, free will, to make our own decisions and go through life.
Of course, there may come a time in my life when I will have to sit down and decide whether or not to marry the man who comes into my life and wishes to marry me. This, too, I feel is a decision that we must make on our own. After which "we present the matter to the Lord and get his approving, ratifying seal." (Bruce R. McConkie, a past general authority of the Church) I know that this will be the way I go about such a decision because I do believe in McConkie's view which is as follows: “The most important single thing that any Latter-day Saint ever does in this world is to marry the right person, in the right place, by the right authority.”---the right person comes first, and I have witnessed the difference it makes to decide and ask the Lord rather than decide and move headstrong into the union without consulting the Lord.
I think President Hinckley's counsel on what man women should look for when he said the following---
“Aim high, but do not aim so high that you totally miss the target. What really matters is that he will love you, that he will respect you, that he will honor you, that he will be absolutely true to you, that he will give you the freedom of expression and let you fly in the development of your own talents. He is not going to be perfect, but if he is kind and thoughtful, if he knows how to work and earn a living, if he is honest and full of faith, the chances are you will not go wrong, that you will be immensely happy.”
This instills in me the hope and faith that if a righteous man that fits the above description finds me and thinks on me enough to want to marry me and I then choose to agree to marriage, the Lord will not deny me as long as I am living as correctly as I know how. All things work out in the end... even if that end lies in the life after this.
To be honest, concerning most happenings and trials/troubles in my life, I usually turn to my parents to ask their advice when I feel at a crossroads in my mind. However, this time I turned to my aunt.
My parents were married when my mother was 19-- almost three years younger than I am right now. If I am right in my reckoning, she had already had my brother and I was on the way when she hit my age. Aside from the experiences she has heard of, she doesn't have the personal experience with the trial I feel I am going through right now. And of course, I am glad that she did not have to go through this particular feeling, for she had already endured much by the time she was my age.
Now, by no means do I find joy in the fact that my aunt is yet unmarried but I do joy in the fact that she is my aunt and that I have such an example of strength. I love her so much and I do not think I could ever express how much I appreciate the advice she has given me since the time I could really communicate with her and ask her of things of a spiritual and personal nature.
Rather haltingly (for I am sure it could be read in the way I wrote) I asked her how I was to handle my current situation. All around me my closest friends are getting engaged, married and having babies. Now, for most people, this is not a big deal but being a member of a church that so encourages marriage and where most people don't blink an eye when a girl gets married at 19, it seems a little more pointed and jagged when people look at you at the age of 21 and wonder (oft times aloud) why you don't at least have a serious boyfriend.
Thankfully, I am surrounded by quite a few friends and family who are considerate of this and remind me, (again) often, that I am still young and have plenty of time to enjoy life before leaping into marriage.
However, I still dread coming face to face with those who have known me most of my life at weddings and other such social functions where one is usually at least with a date and having to answer their questions of my current single status while we should be focusing solely on the happiness of those who have found their companion. I am sure half of them are only teasing, a good-natured poke, but nonetheless, it still hurts.
Why does it hurt? Why must I take it as such a personal offense instead of turning the jokes the other way and asking after their general health?
My aunt wrote something, that I at least found to be rather profound. It had to do with my feelings toward all of my friends getting married. She said that it isn't because we aren't happy for them but because we are sad for ourselves. However, the thought then came to her mind that we can be one or the other, we cannot be both. Therefore, we have to choose. It isn't a choice that we make once, but many times through our lives. Just like other principles taught by the gospel such as "will I read my scriptures today?", "did I think to pray this morning/night?", the principles of happiness are completely in our control.
It is our choice whether we will be happy or go through this life feeling sorry for ourselves.
“I feel to invite women everywhere to rise to the great potential within you. I do not ask that you reach beyond your capacity. I hope you will not nag yourselves with thoughts of failure. I hope you will not try to set goals far beyond your capacity to achieve. I hope you will simply do what you can do in the best way you know. If you do so, you will witness miracles come to pass.” -Gordon B Hinckley
(Of course, I am sure the above quote could pertain to men as well but I really appreciate how directed it was at the women of the church.)
So, with the choice before me, what will it be?
Will I be happy and rejoice in the unions of my friends with those they will love for the rest of eternity?
Or will I be sad, bitter, and self-pitying about the Lord's timing and how it is working in my life?
Again, in the words of President Hinckley, "You can be smart and happy or you can be stupid and miserable. It's your choice." Therefore, I will choose to be happy. I know somewhere down the road I will probably need to make this choice again but that's okay. I am only 21 going on 22. I am still growing up. Until it becomes a seamless part of my life, I will make the choice every morning to stop waiting for HIM to show up and simply work on making myself a better person, working to support myself, work towards my own personal goals that can only make me a better person if I work within the Lord's will and parameters.
However, as a close to this blog, I feel I must work every bit of this subject out of my system. That's right. I am about to tell you the check list of qualities I will use to make my decisions when a serious minded man comes along and asks me to take a chance on him. Granted some of these might seem silly, but in my "limited" experience, they are each important for one reason or another. After this, I will do my best to write no more on this subject unless prompted to.
Lastly, these are in no particular order and some I will save to the last, not because they are the last to cross my mind but simply because... I can.
-patient
-kind
-good listener
-trusts me to support and listen to him
-considerate
-gentlemanly (opens car and building doors, walks on the street side, etc)
-does not scare me as he drives
my father may be a... crazier driver than my mom, but I have never questioned the safety of my life even though we have been in a big crash (circumstances were quite beyond his control)
-does not cause sick nerves (I don't mind butterflies)
-willing to communicate if something bothers him
-cuddly, will hug me until I am satisfied
-comforting--will not run even if I cry
-strong
-safe
-sure
-smart
-intelligent (yes, they are different...)
-willing to watch certain movies with me (I will reciprocate as long as it is within church standards)
-a good cook, even if it's just one specialty
-"take care" of spiders... even if he is afraid of them too
-willing to be spontaneous, but plans the important times
-thoughtful
-respect
-has direction
-passionate in what he does
-has an appreciation for music, books, theater
-encouraging
-uplifting
-comfortable silences
-meaningful talking
-a good standing, Priesthood holder in the church
-a strong testimony
No comments:
Post a Comment