So, as Monday looms I choose to sit at my laptop and write about the second of thirty things that I am going to share. What is that? ask those who have not read my last (and first) entry. Oh, well let me tell you.

Describe three legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears (not listed in any particular order):
Fear #1- I am afraid of passing semi-trucks in bad weather. The reason for this fear is easily traceable to just around my 8th birthday. My family of 6 (Mom was pregnant with the youngest at the time, I believe) was on a road trip from the Eastern Oregon and Idaho border after visiting some cousins. As we were driving along, it was snowing and all was going well while Mom read aloud to us. Out of nowhere, a semi loomed out of the storm, parked in the middle of the road. Dad had little time to react and slamming on the brakes showed just how icy the road was. We rear-ended the vehicle and the next thing I knew, the car had started to cool inside and all the kids were crying while my parents tried to figure out what to do.  I ended up with quite the lovely battle wound above my right eye (where all my headaches now seem to concentrate) and it was the worst of the group. Jerry was pretty certain I was going to die. 
Fear #2- I am afraid of ending up alone. It is strangely legitimate in my mind although many people continue to assure me that I will come across someone who will keep me. I suppose the trigger of this fear is because of all the "almost" relationships that I have been through (almost meaning I have experienced many of what people would term "friends with benefits") and having been in such situations where the guy simply would not commit does not paint a very tender picture toward any interaction between me and men when it goes past just being part of the group and being ridiculous. It has hurt me just a few more times than common sense should allow. Lastly, I have had a boyfriend before. I felt all was going well and that the relationship was headed in the most positive of directions... for just over a month. Unfortunately it had to come to an end before I was ready for it to and here I am trying to "be patient and keep the faith" that the right man will come along for me in the end but patience is a tricky thing...
Fear #3- Lastly (but not the least of my fears) I am afraid of myself. This has come out of my failures and the disappointment that I have felt from myself and other sources. I fear the choices that I make even when I feel good about them because I don't know who I will be after the consequences. I know of my weaknesses and also of my desires that could be for good but if pursued in the wrong way could lead to the not so bright paths that my soul cries out and longs for. I cannot see all ends which of course is how it is for everyone but I do wish I believed in myself a little more than I do. It does not matter how many people tell me I am smart, beautiful, and talented if I cannot get over my own stumbling block and start believing these things, truly and deeply, about myself. It reminds me of Michael McLean's song that says, "...if only you believe in yourself, you won't be scared..."

I realize now that I have admitted these fears that the next step is to get past them and grow bigger than they tend to seem. I know I will eventually mature enough to see past them and continue to live my life (whether it be alone or married, whether I "get the gold" or crash the ship, and passing those semi-trucks [safely] to get home at a good pace) but until then, these are my fears among  others (such as wolves hiding under my bed, being sneaked up on in the dark, getting hospitalized for sickness, just to name a few). 
Here's to growing up, huh?
Speaking of growing up, I am still waiting to hear from Disney (the place where you should never grow up, not really) to see if I will be an intern this next year of 2013. I will be attending an audition for characters on Friday (probably having to ride the TRAX... ick...) but regardless of how that turns out, I have a date that same night with my good friend Colin. We'll be watching Les Miserables as put on by his old high school then enjoying some good burgers and fries (or so I have been told). 
Not much happened this past weekend to be honest but after next weekend I will surely have more to say! Although, I do plan on doing another entry before Friday. We will see how my time sifts I suppose. 

Tune in next time to be in the know about how I would describe my relationship with my parents.

Love Much
Cassidy