It's a Monday

I quite loathe those days when I just fail at dance and thus start off on a bad foot for the day. 

Today was one of those days. It seemed that for the life of me, I could not get a hold of the tango with my lab partner for my first hour of dance. Then whilst dancing the American social standard waltz, it just felt like every partner was too close. I could not get the timing right and I kid you not, I had my toes hit 3 times at least. It did not help when at the very beginning of class, one of the guys was trying to "cheer me up" and proceeded to "tickle" my sides. Yeah. No. You know those days when a tickle feels more like crab pincers in your sides? Or rather when a guy does not seem to be able to remember that you are a girl and must be tickled gently? Yes. That was today and it was that guy.
I asked him not to touch me, rather waspishly I will admit, and then he proceeded to apologize and touch my shoulder... a couple girls had witnessed it and though I am sure he felt a little affronted, they remarked that he had just done what I had asked him, nay! Demanded! That he not do... I will have to apologize on Wednesday but I just could not have it today, apparently. 

As I walked home after a rather disappointing two hours of dance (which I usually thoroughly enjoy) I was walking through the BYU Bookstore and saw some beautiful paintings of the Savior along with one that I imagine could have been Mary, the one who went to His tomb, in the act of reaching out to the unidentified subject---who we could assume was Christ, I am sure. 
My heart broke a little. Somehow I have not realized how near to the surface tears have been for me this weekend--though I didn't get rather teary during the Relief Society General Broadcast on Saturday and then on Sunday during which I watched the rest of it. 
Walking home thereafter was quite the experience feeling as though I would break down and cry at any moment but then not. If that even makes sense. 

(A side note: the discovery I made on the way home is I no longer like to walk at the ground while I am walking. I am not sure when it changed, but my usual gait is to look up into the world's face, looking for people who might need a smile. Well, I hardly felt like doing just this on the brink of tears just in case something else triggered the water works that I loathe displaying outside the comfort of home and church.)

Promptly upon returning home, I bundled up in my blankets and read my scriptures. Honestly, it has been a few days. Possible attribution to my woeful spirit? Most likely. 

The end of this week will bring General Conference. I feel so much love from He who watches from above at the wisdom that lies behind the spacing of our General Conferences--every 6 months for those of you who are not members of the church. It always seems to come when my confidence is at its lowest, when I am the most confused, the most unsure of what steps will lead me forward. 

Lighter note for this post would be the fact that my younger sister is expecting her mission call this week. I cannot believe how old she has gotten! I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about it and she remarked on how she still thinks of my sister as being 12 years old, new to Girl's Camp and in our cabin. She has really grown up and filled out since her lanky and waspish-limbed self. I could not be more proud of the young lady she has become and find it an interesting contrast to wishing she would be able to look up to me to looking up to her now. 
She's a good girl. Genuinely and I know the Lord has big plans for her. 

Every Memory

I have been having quite the rough week and as such, I turned to my blog and wondered how I should go about writing a post. I thought about ranting and raving and complaining about how things never seem to go my way, or even bring up the controversies that one finds between men and women and their assumptions that "friend zone" and other such classifications and problems only arise for one gender and not the other.
However, I didn't want to depress myself even more. 
Then, the title of my blog caught my eye: "I Will Cherish Every Memory". So here it is.

Last night and today, I was told that I wear my heart on my sleeve. While this is true in some instances, I want to amend this and say, I allow people to see my heart when I want them to. Apparently my desire to allow them to see happens so often that they assume they see everything. Now and again I will allow that my emotions escape me--thus those moments when people see me frustrated, angry, or liable to cry. 
Over the last couple of months, I have had the opportunity to meet many new people. Some of them I want to get to know better. Others, I frankly could care less whether I see them ever again (this is a very small pool of people, I've come to realize). I've had my feelings hurt and I am sure I have hurt others feelings. I don't think there is anyone to blame for these happenings because as far as I know, none of these heart breaks were premeditated or counted on. They happen and then we move on. 

I think something that you should understand about me is that as quickly as I can learn to love someone, the moment I feel hurt or in danger of it being completely wrong, I am almost as quickly able to shut down those instincts to love and I move on. It isn't necessarily that I hate or simply don't care for the person anymore but I have chosen to protect myself from future hurt and though I may continue to get to know them, I am a lot less likely to go out of my way to spend time with them.
I realize some of you reading this may think that this isn't very healthy but it allows me to continue on and continue to find happiness in the little things that I will probably continue to take joy in for the rest of my life. 

So now that I have vented a little bit (even though I said I wouldn't...) I will continue on to reflect on my blog title. I will cherish every memory...

This past week I had the opportunity to go to my dance classes and they really do fill my day with light. We are learning tango in one and it's entertaining to see the many different faces of my classmates as they concentrate on the intricacies of the dance. It also helps that our friend who comes in to give an extra hand in the male department is quirky enough that even in the most discouraging of times, makes me laugh. To the point where I've had to make sure that he is behind me in our dancing line so I can concentrate on the dance steps properly.
In the other class though we've spent the better part of three weeks on the cha cha, my classmates are just a fun bunch of souls. And I am grateful for that part of my day.

I also had the opportunity to attend EviDance this weekend which is basically a concert where the school's dance teams get together and perform for the community. It was beautifully thrilling and I wish I could have gone again. 
One of my best friends was thoughtful enough to send me a bouquet of flowers (the majority of them being daisies, my favorite flower) because my favorite season started this weekend. Which is also another thing to celebrate.
Autumn is finally here!
I had the opportunity to ride a scooter for the first time yesterday and I forgot how much I love to ride on motorbikes. It's as thrilling as it is calming. The wind on your cheeks and the freedom is glorious. 
I also got to go to a little bit of a House Show last night after having attended my "niece's" birthday party. She turned 1 the other day. They just grow up so fast! 

I cherish the moments when people have made me feel special throughout the last little while. Bittersweet though the memories may be, they are there and I'm thankful for the love that I have for them and the hope they kindle for a brighter day tomorrow.

People

June 24th...
That was the last time I posted anything. 
Quite frankly, I hadn't realized that it had been so long. Not because I've been living a particularly exciting life but the time does seem to have gotten away from me. So you can credit this update to my sister-like best friend and my lack of Sunday afternoon social life. 

Every time I let the time get away and then look back at what has "happened" in the time that has lapsed, it reminds me of that quote that says life doesn't seem like a big change but it's the small changes from day to day that escape our notice that change us... or something to that effect. 
I definitely moved over the last couple months! But only down the street, back to where I was living for the year and half before this summer term... yep. I am a big traveler, can't you tell? Anyway, people ask me why I moved back and you know those decisions you make merely because it feels right at the time? That is my reason. It isn't much of one but I don't believe in coincidences so I know there is a reason for me to be here again. Not sure why just yet---perhaps I will never know but hey, isn't that part of the fun?
I am really enjoying my new ward though and I was surprised when the bishop called to extend the call of activity committee co-chair to me. Haven't done much with it yet but my co-chair says that he has a bushel of ideas for our ward so I am excited to talk with him about those and get some stuff rolling. 
I love the bishopric and their wives! So far we have heard the bishop and first counselor speak (along with brief testimonies from their lovely companions) and both of them told us of how they met their wives. Bishop's story was sweet and the first counselor's was hilarious. They are very endearing folk, to be honest. 

The weather here in Provo has been just a little crazy but it gives me a taste of my beloved coastal rain so personally I have been perfectly okay with it. Lots of clouds and random thunderstorms. I think it is a fantastic way to say goodbye to summer and greet autumn with a snuggly hello! Scarves, boots and sweaters... my favorite season! 
Some of the trees are starting to change color even. Not so dramatically that the unobservant would be forced to recognize it but enough to hint at what is to come.

My younger sister turned 19 the other day and for those of you within the church who were in attendance at General Conference (or picked up on the feverish chatter thereafter) and are aware that the age for missionaries have changed know that she is faced with the decision, mission now? Or later? She has chosen now and I couldn't be more excited for her. That will be the second of my 5 siblings to go on a mission. Crazy stuff! But now I will have something else to do on Sundays... write to that Amazonian beauty of a sister of mine. 
It's odd to think that my little brother will be 18 next year which means he will be faced with the same decision--to go now or wait a little. I won't even bother asking his plans now because I know personally how much our plans can change in a matter of months. 

Tangent time: currently, I am listening to my Bernadette Peters station on Pandora and the song People from Funny Girl started to play. This song has always been my favorite from that musical probably because I resonate with the lyrics.  For those of you who haven't heard this song or seen the musical... voila! The lyrics:

People, people who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world
We're children, needing other children
And yet letting a grown-up pride
Hide all the need inside
Acting more like children than children
Lovers are very special people
They're the luckiest people in the world
With one person one very special person
A feeling deep in your soul
Says you were half now you're whole
No more hunger and thirst
But first be a person who needs people

I will be the first to admit that I love people (granted I do have those moments when I can be the most anti-social hermit there ever was). At the end of the day if I haven't spent at least a little time talking to someone or some persons, I feel the day has been wasted and my spirit wilts just a little. (Hugs are great too, but I've learned to get by... or so my grown-up pride would like to assure me). 
But we were never meant to be alone! I believe the Lord placed us into families for many purposes one of them being to teach us to love one another and rely on one another. To be people who need people. 
One part of this song that I feel needs my opinion stamped upon it, however, is "you were half now you're whole".  I don't think we I need someone to make me whole. I am whole and complete by myself. But I do believe that when we have someone in our life that compliments us, that encourages us to be our best self that we can have our happiness multiplied... and who doesn't want to be happy? Eternally? And that's why I count myself among the people who need people. Right now I receive that happiness from my family and friends but someday, when the Lord sees fit, I will be blessed to have that happiness that can only come from being married to the right man, at the right time, in the right place. 

Oh, another update on my life. I was sick this last week and am just trying to fight the remnants of this pesky cold but I daresay the worst is over. 
Oh, I am also planning my trip home for Christmas! More to come on that... I refuse to be out here in Utah for it for the third year running. 
Happy Sunday!