I just watched Frozen for the first time in forever (and no, I'm not letting go), and as I was thinking (because what woman stops thinking to watch a movie?) I discovered that I was having conflicting feelings towards the character of Hans (spoiler alert, he's the jerk villain at the end). I mean, sure, there is that fan theory wherein people have wondered if Hans' sudden change in feelings toward Anna was the trolls' doing, but if we're being honest, he was the villain without the trolls help.
However, the interesting thing with Hans' villainhood is the fact that he was so good at acting as though he truly loved Anna (the whole "love at first sight" strain of fantasy) and the thing that gave me pause during this particular viewing was that maybe Hans really did love Anna but he loved the power marrying her could bring him more.
Now, once everything is said and done and the movie wraps with all that sisterly love, it is obvious that Hans was preying on Anna's desperation to feel loved. I know I'm not the only woman (or person in general, for that matter) who gasped when Hans revealed himself to the dying Anna and thought, "How dare he!?" But in real life, aren't there people who do "dare" to do the exact same thing to others? (Though, I don't believe an actual kingdom is on the table.)
This brought to mind this thought: is he (or she) a Hans? Or a Kristoff?
With Hans people, you are never certain whether the person you see today is really them or not. They know how to act, they know how to prod your thoughts and emotions in a direction that makes you think that you would rather die than live without them! But at the end of the day, why do they do it? Well, friends, I believe Hans people are those that love the idea of you. But at the end of the day, when they are called upon to be owners of the actual feeling that should spur the two of you together, there is something else they love more--in the case of a last-in-line-for-the-crown prince it's power. In Hans people, might I move to say that it is their love of their own independence? Not having to "answer" to anyone. Perhaps they desire their solitude and their ability to say, "You know? Not today."
With Kristoff people, those are the ones that you may not have an instant connection with (though, admittedly, I think it's fine to be attracted to the person within the first day of knowing them--not that I would marry in a day) but at the end of the day, they are in love with YOU. Not the idea. Not some crazy fantasy they have concocted, but you. Crazy, imperfect, sometimes "unlovable" you. They don't complete you but rather encourage you to be a better person. They allow you to make your mistakes, catching you if you fall.
If he seems "perfect", wait. Give it time. If you give your "courtship" enough time, then you will root out the true Hans'. Don't get ahead of yourself. You have the rest of your life to be with your Kristoff but you need to make sure he is who you think he is before you get serious with them. They will have flaws just like you do. We don't marry perfection but potential, says Elder Robert D. Hales of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
From personal experience, I have had too many Hans' in my life where when it came down to brass tacks, I found their hearts lied truly with something that I could never give them, whether I wanted to or not. And that realization, my friends, is what makes all the difference because it helps the healing process because, let's face it, for every Hans there isn't a Kristoff and often times you will not meet them at the same time. So let the relief sink in that you have dodged another Hans, grieve for a day if you feel you must, then (ready for it?) let it go.
03 April 2016
20 March 2016
But I'm Not Like "Most" People
Most people take Facebook fasts. However, I see that I have an ever-increasing problem with how much I use texting on my cellphone to talk about important things. Things that should be spoken of face to face or at least through a call.
So, this week, I am putting my phone in Airplane mode (I still need it to make sure I wake up on time in the morning, after all) and thus, the only way I will be available will be through Facebook and my email (which you should be able to find on Facebook). Seeing as not a whole lot of you text me on a frequent basis, I don't honestly see this being a problem for you. I just need a little time to clear my thoughts and hopefully break my habit of texting in place of talking. I may be a writer, but not everyone is--in fact that majority of people aren't writers so this will also be a way to remind myself of how "most people" communicate.
Love you all muchly.
Love,
Me
So, this week, I am putting my phone in Airplane mode (I still need it to make sure I wake up on time in the morning, after all) and thus, the only way I will be available will be through Facebook and my email (which you should be able to find on Facebook). Seeing as not a whole lot of you text me on a frequent basis, I don't honestly see this being a problem for you. I just need a little time to clear my thoughts and hopefully break my habit of texting in place of talking. I may be a writer, but not everyone is--in fact that majority of people aren't writers so this will also be a way to remind myself of how "most people" communicate.
Love you all muchly.
Love,
Me
A Little Patience, Understanding, and Sadness
I made a discovery of myself this past week that I honestly probably already had an inkling about, but it is this--if I am not properly engaged and busy, I give myself too much time and energy to overthink things. I overthink myself into a black hole of self-pity and start to imagine that I am an annoyance to all.
I have been told multiple times that that is not the case, but nevertheless, if I do all of the "talking" or instigating of conversation, then I start to get truly depressed and annoyed at myself for needing so much validation from others. Generally a happy person, many find it odd that I feel the need for validation but it's there, just as it is in everyone else.
I watched Inside Out for the first time at the beginning of this past week and the character of Sadness felt akin to the metaphorical "spirit animal". Sadness is interesting because she is the one "emotion" that is seen as purely negative. However, by the end of the movie, you find that it's often Sadness that triggers the events that bring the most Joy.
It shows that it is important to feel ones Sadness and is just as important to validate the Sadness and hurt that others feel before they can truly be healed and move on to feeling the other emotions as they come.
There is a particular scene where the main character's imaginary friend is hurt by the loss of his rocket and how he now cannot see how he and his friend will ever have their great adventures. He starts crying (candy tears, of course) and Joy is trying to think of all the ways to cheer him up by referencing things that generally bring him happiness and, well, joy. But the longer he sits crying the more aggravated she gets with him. And that is where Sadness steps in. She sits down next to him and validates his tears. That must be very sad, she remarks, and you must be feeling hurt right now. She gives him the opportunity to acknowledge aloud that he is hurt and sad and then allows him to cry a while longer as they hug. Once this moment happens, he is able to pick himself back up and they continue on their way.
During one of my downward spirals this past week, I worked myself into such a frantic state that I jumped aboard a bus and zipped over to my friend's house without giving very much warning at all (perhaps a 5 minute prelude text to the actions that followed). I was feeling hurt because I didn't think that he was responding as quickly as he should if he truly cared when honestly he had simply fallen asleep (previous happenings being that he was supremely busy and not a great text-communicator to begin with).
Just to top of my craziness, I also had a cold and found myself walking up the hill and up three floors to get to his door. So, sniffling due to two kinds of cold and self-pity, I crawled into his arms, completely exhausted from this roller coaster I had subjected myself to and instead of him immediately trying to cheer me up, he pulled me close and gave me time to talk about it. He gave validation to how I had been feeling and made sure I felt right again before prompting the smile that comes naturally when I am around him.
I don't have many people to open up to like this, especially not close to what I call "home" currently. So...if you are one of them, I apologize in advance for the childishness and perhaps "clingy" nature that I give in to. It is because you have shown me that I can trust you with even a little piece of my heart and I guess, in short, I am afraid to lose that.
I don't want to lose you. No matter what happens from here on in.
I am clumsy and insecure. I have been hurt more times than I can count. If I cry, it's usually self-induced because, as previously stated, my mind is overactive and I just need to be reminded now and again that you don't mind. And maybe, one day, I will finally be strong enough and sure enough of myself to be a strength to others who come along my path with the same weakness in their heart and soul.
Therefore, please, be patient with me until I understand. And I will always remain, faithfully, your loyal and loving friend.
I have been told multiple times that that is not the case, but nevertheless, if I do all of the "talking" or instigating of conversation, then I start to get truly depressed and annoyed at myself for needing so much validation from others. Generally a happy person, many find it odd that I feel the need for validation but it's there, just as it is in everyone else.
I watched Inside Out for the first time at the beginning of this past week and the character of Sadness felt akin to the metaphorical "spirit animal". Sadness is interesting because she is the one "emotion" that is seen as purely negative. However, by the end of the movie, you find that it's often Sadness that triggers the events that bring the most Joy.
It shows that it is important to feel ones Sadness and is just as important to validate the Sadness and hurt that others feel before they can truly be healed and move on to feeling the other emotions as they come.
There is a particular scene where the main character's imaginary friend is hurt by the loss of his rocket and how he now cannot see how he and his friend will ever have their great adventures. He starts crying (candy tears, of course) and Joy is trying to think of all the ways to cheer him up by referencing things that generally bring him happiness and, well, joy. But the longer he sits crying the more aggravated she gets with him. And that is where Sadness steps in. She sits down next to him and validates his tears. That must be very sad, she remarks, and you must be feeling hurt right now. She gives him the opportunity to acknowledge aloud that he is hurt and sad and then allows him to cry a while longer as they hug. Once this moment happens, he is able to pick himself back up and they continue on their way.
During one of my downward spirals this past week, I worked myself into such a frantic state that I jumped aboard a bus and zipped over to my friend's house without giving very much warning at all (perhaps a 5 minute prelude text to the actions that followed). I was feeling hurt because I didn't think that he was responding as quickly as he should if he truly cared when honestly he had simply fallen asleep (previous happenings being that he was supremely busy and not a great text-communicator to begin with).
Just to top of my craziness, I also had a cold and found myself walking up the hill and up three floors to get to his door. So, sniffling due to two kinds of cold and self-pity, I crawled into his arms, completely exhausted from this roller coaster I had subjected myself to and instead of him immediately trying to cheer me up, he pulled me close and gave me time to talk about it. He gave validation to how I had been feeling and made sure I felt right again before prompting the smile that comes naturally when I am around him.
I don't have many people to open up to like this, especially not close to what I call "home" currently. So...if you are one of them, I apologize in advance for the childishness and perhaps "clingy" nature that I give in to. It is because you have shown me that I can trust you with even a little piece of my heart and I guess, in short, I am afraid to lose that.
I don't want to lose you. No matter what happens from here on in.
I am clumsy and insecure. I have been hurt more times than I can count. If I cry, it's usually self-induced because, as previously stated, my mind is overactive and I just need to be reminded now and again that you don't mind. And maybe, one day, I will finally be strong enough and sure enough of myself to be a strength to others who come along my path with the same weakness in their heart and soul.
Therefore, please, be patient with me until I understand. And I will always remain, faithfully, your loyal and loving friend.
28 January 2016
Apparently
...candles only come in packs of 24. I am sure I made this same observation just about a year ago while buying candles for my last birthday cake but the fact was reinforced earlier this week when I bought the biggest pack of candles (24) that I could find at the grocer's for my birthday cake.
As I look toward my 25th year, I have so much to be grateful for. I have always been thankful for my family but lately I have realized the circumstances that I have been blessed with are truly blessings and I have long taken them for granted. I have both of my parents who set such a wonderful example of what a married couple should be like. They do have their disagreements from time to time, but I have never doubted their love for each other and their desire to work together to raise children who know that they are loved.
I have an older brother who I have watched through school and fighting through adulthood who married a wonderful woman that now works with him to raise their child (soon to be childREN). He's ambitious and strong and he has worked so hard for all that he has and continues to set an example of a successful take off for the rest of our siblings and myself.
I have three, very different, younger siblings who have showed their own examples of strength. A sister who has served a mission and now aims for a college education; a brother who is preparing to serve a mission in a tough environment; and another sister who has fought through her own difficulties and continues to push on and not give up on herself and right to happiness.
This year has landmarks and new horizons for us all to explore and though it's intimidating, I know that our love and regard for one another is often what gets us through the day.
As many of you know, I have struggled to get back into school after falling below half-enrollment to a complete hiatus from the institution. But I am there, finally pursuing a goal. I found a school environment that I can feel confident and comfortable in. I pushed to get my residency status corrected (dropping my beginning debt to the government monies from roughly $5000 to under $200, easily payable during the summer). I have even taken my math class head on (a subject that I vowed to never take again upon graduating high school) and have so far been keeping up with the teacher's speedy covering of the material.
Admittedly, I have far less time to do my writing than I had before school began but I suppose in that there is the blessing of wanting to write as much as possible even if the mood is having a hard time striking...
I will try to do some more writing exercises here (the little short blurbs that I have done before). But until then, know that I am happy, healthy, and striving to become an even better adult this year than I was last year.
Cheers.
As I look toward my 25th year, I have so much to be grateful for. I have always been thankful for my family but lately I have realized the circumstances that I have been blessed with are truly blessings and I have long taken them for granted. I have both of my parents who set such a wonderful example of what a married couple should be like. They do have their disagreements from time to time, but I have never doubted their love for each other and their desire to work together to raise children who know that they are loved.
I have an older brother who I have watched through school and fighting through adulthood who married a wonderful woman that now works with him to raise their child (soon to be childREN). He's ambitious and strong and he has worked so hard for all that he has and continues to set an example of a successful take off for the rest of our siblings and myself.
I have three, very different, younger siblings who have showed their own examples of strength. A sister who has served a mission and now aims for a college education; a brother who is preparing to serve a mission in a tough environment; and another sister who has fought through her own difficulties and continues to push on and not give up on herself and right to happiness.
This year has landmarks and new horizons for us all to explore and though it's intimidating, I know that our love and regard for one another is often what gets us through the day.
As many of you know, I have struggled to get back into school after falling below half-enrollment to a complete hiatus from the institution. But I am there, finally pursuing a goal. I found a school environment that I can feel confident and comfortable in. I pushed to get my residency status corrected (dropping my beginning debt to the government monies from roughly $5000 to under $200, easily payable during the summer). I have even taken my math class head on (a subject that I vowed to never take again upon graduating high school) and have so far been keeping up with the teacher's speedy covering of the material.
Admittedly, I have far less time to do my writing than I had before school began but I suppose in that there is the blessing of wanting to write as much as possible even if the mood is having a hard time striking...
I will try to do some more writing exercises here (the little short blurbs that I have done before). But until then, know that I am happy, healthy, and striving to become an even better adult this year than I was last year.
Cheers.
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