"What is right to be done cannot be done too soon." -Jane Austen
I was looking for a specific quote by Miss Austen to use for this blog and stumbled upon two quotes that address the subjects that have most heavily weighed on my mind these past 24-48 hours rather than the end subject of accomplishments that I intend to talk about.
How many times do we agonize over timing? I don't know about you, but I feel that timing is everything (just like it says in the country song). I always worry that I will confess my heart too soon to be counted as sensible and true but I also worry that if I don't tell them when I have finally decided upon telling them that I will in fact never tell them and be left with all the "what ifs" that the world has to supply a single woman of small fortune.
This is quite likely what causes my heart to resound to Miss Austen's words about right things and simply doing them. I really do feel that if something is right then I ought to do it as it comes to my mind and becomes a viable course of action.
Therefore, all day I was wondering how I was to tell this boy (for of course it would be a boy in my case) about my affections toward him. You know those people that you just feel good around? The ones that make you feel happy and like you want to be a better person? I seem to stumble upon quite a few of those. As I was writing, I decided that I must tell him and now especially with circumstances being what they are in my life currently.
I even attended the temple today in hopes of a little extra support. Well, I received the support I needed and found a moment when I could finally speak with him. After a few moments of gathering my wits about me I finally said it. Those three little words: I like you. Why are those three words, three syllables, so darn hard to say? I cannot fathom the reason thus I will move on.
Longer story short, we came to the conclusion that we were to stay simply friends. And I truly am thankful that we were friends to start with or else this probably would have been a lot more painful. To be sure, it sucks being turned down again and then encouraged to pursue another boy that is semi- in the light, but at least we have gotten over that "rock" as another dear friend of mine referred to it as.
To the next quote I found, which actually comes perfectly into this scene: "In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection than she feels." Again, this is from Jane Austen's pen. I feel more often than not, I am in the case of 1. To show more affection than I feel is a lie in a my mind and thus I don't like to do it. I mean there are times when it's down right demanded that I show more affection-- particularly to those people I flat out dislike-- and although I dislike being friendly with them I do so out of a sense of duty or propriety.
However in the matters of my heart toward the men I have met, I do try to show just as much affection as I have for them (or somehow express how very little I have for them). If I feel for a man they will know it if they simply open their eyes and pay attention. But if I feel uncomfortable about furthering something, I won't respond to the affections that they pay me. I hate to lead anyone on and if I accept their affections without conveying to them clearly and concisely that they won't receive the same level of affection from me then that would be a lie of the most heinous sort.
Who knows? Maybe I will end up alone this way but at least I won't end up with someone I don't truly and thoroughly love. Sure, they may have their quirks. I can get over quirks. But if I simply don't feel affection toward them then it doesn't matter how many good qualities they have. I simply won't pursue it.
Now, to completely switch gears...!
You might ask, "Cassidy, what are 5 of your greatest accomplishments?"
Well I guess (and these are in no particular order)...
1. Miss Corning 2009. Yes. I was in a scholarship program (coughpageantcough) and I won it somehow. But I am glad I did for the experience of being a princess in the eyes of a whole town full of little girls for a year is quite unlike any other. Furthermore, the chance I had to mingle with the older folks of Corning will always have a soft spot in my heart.
2. My first job outside of Les Schwab. I worked at the Hunger Stop after avidly pursuing it for a good month or two and how rewarding it was! Being able to work the morning shifts, I got to experience the pleasure of getting to be really acquainted with the regulars that would come in for breakfast every work day. Hearing their stories and winning their regard and love was something wonderful and new. And I realized how charming I could be and how much information I can hold in this head of mine. Memorizing the orders of the walk-ins and the drive-thrus even if they only came through once a week...? Yes. It was awesome.
3. My first relationship. Odd one you might say but I find great accomplishment in the fact that it was healthy and although it came to an end, I can still call him "friend" and still love to talk with him any chance we get.
4. I can cook. Who knew that actually pulling up a recipe and following it would produce good results? I haven't died yet from my cooking and have even had a few people compliment me on it. Yay me. Haha!
5. I have read the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, three times through. Yes. I consider that an accomplishment. So take that.
And I am out until next time when I address what I wish I was great at. There are a few of those....
31 October 2012
30 October 2012
Of Breakfast and Cats
So, in all honesty I don't have much to say about breakfast today. But breakfast of champions? Definitely saltines with chunky peanut butter and a glass of milk. Woohoo! That's how I take on the day!
Erm, anyway.
The topic of this blog post is as follows-- if you were to be any animal, what would it be and why?
Well my friends, I would be a cat. A house cat to be more specific. Why? Well... they're soft. And anyone who isn't allergic or a dog-person loves the pet them. If you know me well, you know that all it takes to put me to sleep is to let my head lay upon your lap as you run your fingers through it. True story. Definitely one of the many reasons I miss my dad and youngest sister.
Another reason is, like a cat, I am a tad moody (mock if you will) and thus if I like you at a specific moment, you will know. If I don't like you (or anyone for that matter) at a specific time, you will know. Some days I like to be hugged by anyone, other days I am extremely picky to the point of possibly offending someone who I usually am fine with hugging. It's a cat thing.
Next, I love to sleep, eat and if there were a forest nearby and I had nothing else important to do, I love to explore and climb up trees (which can be attested to by some members of my ward... I may or may not have fallen and not landed on my feet but it's because the distance wasn't proper... of course).
I LOVE TUNA!
I just think their tongues and whiskers are so cool! The way they work to help the cat get through her day. It is simply fantastic.
Lastly it would be nice not to have to worry about things and if I were to live in a house such as the one I grew up in as a cat, I would definitely be okay with life. Oh and secondly lastly, no one questions a cat. If a cat wants to be social then, yay! If the cat doesn't want to be social then people (excepting small children and idiots) steer clear and let the cat be. Yes. I would be a cat.
As a final note, I was sad to hear the other day that one of our three cats has passed on to kitty heaven. She was at least 13 years of age as far as I can reckon and in the last couple months of her life had gone blind. Junior (named such because she looked an awful lot like the cat before her, KitKat) was one of the sweetest and most loving cats you could ever come across. She wasn't the prettiest tabby but she made up for it in her cuddling ways and the fact that she was rarely antisocial. If you wanted to pet a cat, you simply needed to locate her and she would give an obliging comfortable purr.
Alright, if you care to know what I think my 5 greatest accomplishments in life are thus far, tune in next time.
Erm, anyway.
The topic of this blog post is as follows-- if you were to be any animal, what would it be and why?
Well my friends, I would be a cat. A house cat to be more specific. Why? Well... they're soft. And anyone who isn't allergic or a dog-person loves the pet them. If you know me well, you know that all it takes to put me to sleep is to let my head lay upon your lap as you run your fingers through it. True story. Definitely one of the many reasons I miss my dad and youngest sister.
Another reason is, like a cat, I am a tad moody (mock if you will) and thus if I like you at a specific moment, you will know. If I don't like you (or anyone for that matter) at a specific time, you will know. Some days I like to be hugged by anyone, other days I am extremely picky to the point of possibly offending someone who I usually am fine with hugging. It's a cat thing.
Next, I love to sleep, eat and if there were a forest nearby and I had nothing else important to do, I love to explore and climb up trees (which can be attested to by some members of my ward... I may or may not have fallen and not landed on my feet but it's because the distance wasn't proper... of course).
I LOVE TUNA!
I just think their tongues and whiskers are so cool! The way they work to help the cat get through her day. It is simply fantastic.
Lastly it would be nice not to have to worry about things and if I were to live in a house such as the one I grew up in as a cat, I would definitely be okay with life. Oh and secondly lastly, no one questions a cat. If a cat wants to be social then, yay! If the cat doesn't want to be social then people (excepting small children and idiots) steer clear and let the cat be. Yes. I would be a cat.
As a final note, I was sad to hear the other day that one of our three cats has passed on to kitty heaven. She was at least 13 years of age as far as I can reckon and in the last couple months of her life had gone blind. Junior (named such because she looked an awful lot like the cat before her, KitKat) was one of the sweetest and most loving cats you could ever come across. She wasn't the prettiest tabby but she made up for it in her cuddling ways and the fact that she was rarely antisocial. If you wanted to pet a cat, you simply needed to locate her and she would give an obliging comfortable purr.
Alright, if you care to know what I think my 5 greatest accomplishments in life are thus far, tune in next time.
29 October 2012
You Are Stronger Than You Seem
So, yes. The font is done a little differently because certain parties asked if I could make it easier to read... I really like the color of the font so maybe in bold it will be easier?
Anyway...
A.A. Milne wrote many a sweet and encouraging thought from Christopher Robin to Pooh. The one that sticks in my mind the most is this: "Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." I don't know about you, but I totally believe this-- especially the bit about our strength. Of course, I don't think it necessarily applies to physical strength but rather to the inner strength that is seen in each of us by those around us.
The following will be a brief (although when is my brief writing ever truly short?) description of my 5 strengths-- these are either those strengths that others have pointed out for me or a select one or two that I have recognized in myself. Onward:
1. My ability to not take sides. This may sound like a strange one but it definitely saved me a lot of heartbreak throughout my elementary school years. I cannot remember how many times my young friends got into tiffs over the silliest things and would try to win me to their side. Eventually, they discovered that I was the one out of our group that never would choose and, as a result, would turn into the sounding board for both sides of the argument. I cannot remember if I ever helped to actually solve any of those fights but I did keep my friends. I remember being thanked for that a few times before I left Burney for the brand new world of Corning.
2. My silence. Alright. So I am sure there are a few people out there that would choose this as my greatest weakness (and in some aspects I might choose to agree with them) however, I find in it strength. I think more about what I am going to say before saying it. Sometimes I choose not to remark on a situation that could snowball into an undesirable and strange situation. Quick example: I went to the temple this past week and while awaiting my turn to go into the next room, it turned out a locker in the girls' locker room was having issues. They had to stall me and a handful of other young women from going in until the maintenance workers (all male) could get in there and fix the problem. A woman who had come in as they had started the "evacuation" was starting to get slightly agitated. I heard her say, "Why can't they just let us into the bathrooms? We can change there!"
Uhm, problem. The bathrooms are in the locker rooms. AKA the area where there would be only men. (According to, I'm sure, temple customs and rules set for the women's protection, etc.) I turned around to speak to her thinking that perhaps she hadn't heard of the problem. So quietly, I explained the situation and her attitude, if at all possible within the parameters of the temple, turned for the worse as she quipped that she was "on a schedule" and couldn't be late for work...
Needless to say, there was a thing or two I wanted dearly to say and not all of them were kind. I turned back to face frontward and kept them to myself. Strength, I tell you.
3. My courage. Apparently it is what helps me to keep friends past the final definition finding of my relationships between me and the men I have met. I work for it and talk through it. The friendship CAN be preserved if both sides want it. I have had, and I assume will keep having, these experiences until the day I find the friend that chooses me above the rest.
4. My womanhood. What strength there is to be found in such a noble calling! The nurturers of this human race. The calling to use the sacred power of procreation with the man that you love and are married to (there is a proper time and order for all things) to bear children, and to raise them in a loving and complete home. To be a woman is to be powerful. I know the Lord hears me and counts my tears. I know He loves me and is behind this story that I live.
5. My writing...
On a side note, random fact about me: I love corn chips and tuna. Together. Delicious.
Next time I will tell you what animal I would be... and why! Haha!
Anyway...
A.A. Milne wrote many a sweet and encouraging thought from Christopher Robin to Pooh. The one that sticks in my mind the most is this: "Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." I don't know about you, but I totally believe this-- especially the bit about our strength. Of course, I don't think it necessarily applies to physical strength but rather to the inner strength that is seen in each of us by those around us.
The following will be a brief (although when is my brief writing ever truly short?) description of my 5 strengths-- these are either those strengths that others have pointed out for me or a select one or two that I have recognized in myself. Onward:
1. My ability to not take sides. This may sound like a strange one but it definitely saved me a lot of heartbreak throughout my elementary school years. I cannot remember how many times my young friends got into tiffs over the silliest things and would try to win me to their side. Eventually, they discovered that I was the one out of our group that never would choose and, as a result, would turn into the sounding board for both sides of the argument. I cannot remember if I ever helped to actually solve any of those fights but I did keep my friends. I remember being thanked for that a few times before I left Burney for the brand new world of Corning.
2. My silence. Alright. So I am sure there are a few people out there that would choose this as my greatest weakness (and in some aspects I might choose to agree with them) however, I find in it strength. I think more about what I am going to say before saying it. Sometimes I choose not to remark on a situation that could snowball into an undesirable and strange situation. Quick example: I went to the temple this past week and while awaiting my turn to go into the next room, it turned out a locker in the girls' locker room was having issues. They had to stall me and a handful of other young women from going in until the maintenance workers (all male) could get in there and fix the problem. A woman who had come in as they had started the "evacuation" was starting to get slightly agitated. I heard her say, "Why can't they just let us into the bathrooms? We can change there!"
Uhm, problem. The bathrooms are in the locker rooms. AKA the area where there would be only men. (According to, I'm sure, temple customs and rules set for the women's protection, etc.) I turned around to speak to her thinking that perhaps she hadn't heard of the problem. So quietly, I explained the situation and her attitude, if at all possible within the parameters of the temple, turned for the worse as she quipped that she was "on a schedule" and couldn't be late for work...
Needless to say, there was a thing or two I wanted dearly to say and not all of them were kind. I turned back to face frontward and kept them to myself. Strength, I tell you.
3. My courage. Apparently it is what helps me to keep friends past the final definition finding of my relationships between me and the men I have met. I work for it and talk through it. The friendship CAN be preserved if both sides want it. I have had, and I assume will keep having, these experiences until the day I find the friend that chooses me above the rest.
4. My womanhood. What strength there is to be found in such a noble calling! The nurturers of this human race. The calling to use the sacred power of procreation with the man that you love and are married to (there is a proper time and order for all things) to bear children, and to raise them in a loving and complete home. To be a woman is to be powerful. I know the Lord hears me and counts my tears. I know He loves me and is behind this story that I live.
5. My writing...
On a side note, random fact about me: I love corn chips and tuna. Together. Delicious.
Next time I will tell you what animal I would be... and why! Haha!
27 October 2012
So That Our Weakness Might Become Strength
So yesterday was quite fun as far as the evening's activities went. First I went on a date to the Awful Waffle (soo yummy! A waffle with Nutella on it? Yes, please!) where I got to see my illustrious roommate perform with her a'capella group which is always a treat. After saying goodbye to my date, I donned my costume and jumped into the car with four other lovely ladies and we went to a Halloween dance!
It was pretty good, I suppose. I did meet a rather good looking man who asked for my number at the end of the evening. Second time in a week, what? Let's see if this one actually calls.
Anyway, turning to the matters at hand, what is a weakness? In the dictionary it reads "the state or condition of lacking strength; a quality or feature regarded as a disadvantage or fault; failings". In my opinion, weakness is one of the things that makes the world go around. If we didn't have weaknesses then those who have the strength to combat our weaknesses or help us learn to overcome them would have no meaning.
Furthermore, when we have weaknesses it gives us room for growth and improvement so I am thankful for the weaknesses I have and for how mindful the Lord is of them and helping me find ways to improve them and turn them into strengths.
Describe 5 weaknesses you have:
1. I tend to talk a lot. This might not always be considered a bad thing but when I am trying to get to know others or help them out with their problems, isn't it better to listen? Sometimes at the end of an hour I find that they surely know a lot more about me than I know about them or have complained longer about what is going wrong in my life than giving them someone to complain to. Self-centeredness is what it's called I believe.
2. The plethora of creative ideas I have running rampant in my head. Why? I have yet to finish one story because I get so distracted by the other ideas I have. Maybe if I could sell my ideas to those who are equipped with the time and patience and focus to actually see the story into fruition...
3. My quick-to-love heart. When I set about to finding the best in people (or more specifically men) I find myself falling in love for them. Of course, it isn't every guy I meet, but if they don't give me a reason not to like them and fast then my heart seems to lay ties and railroad tracks that I am later tied to run and run over because of. I get hurt and heartbroken more often than I care to admit. Perhaps if I were to be more choosey... (but then again, some people think I am too opinionated and selective already).
4. Blue eyes. Curses.
5. My desire to not fail. Ever. This weakness sometimes cons me into the belief that if I simply don't try then I won't fail. Which is obviously wrong but being mortal kind of has it's kinks and problems that need to be ironed out by ourselves. In my acting class we are told if we do not fail then we fail. Meaning, if we don't put ourselves out there and risk failure then we fail to grow and we fail to live. We may have played it safe in our acting and maybe come out with an okay piece of work but we can never be amazing if we aren't willing to fail.
These are just a few of my weaknesses. What are yours?
It was pretty good, I suppose. I did meet a rather good looking man who asked for my number at the end of the evening. Second time in a week, what? Let's see if this one actually calls.
Anyway, turning to the matters at hand, what is a weakness? In the dictionary it reads "the state or condition of lacking strength; a quality or feature regarded as a disadvantage or fault; failings". In my opinion, weakness is one of the things that makes the world go around. If we didn't have weaknesses then those who have the strength to combat our weaknesses or help us learn to overcome them would have no meaning.
Furthermore, when we have weaknesses it gives us room for growth and improvement so I am thankful for the weaknesses I have and for how mindful the Lord is of them and helping me find ways to improve them and turn them into strengths.
Describe 5 weaknesses you have:
1. I tend to talk a lot. This might not always be considered a bad thing but when I am trying to get to know others or help them out with their problems, isn't it better to listen? Sometimes at the end of an hour I find that they surely know a lot more about me than I know about them or have complained longer about what is going wrong in my life than giving them someone to complain to. Self-centeredness is what it's called I believe.
2. The plethora of creative ideas I have running rampant in my head. Why? I have yet to finish one story because I get so distracted by the other ideas I have. Maybe if I could sell my ideas to those who are equipped with the time and patience and focus to actually see the story into fruition...
3. My quick-to-love heart. When I set about to finding the best in people (or more specifically men) I find myself falling in love for them. Of course, it isn't every guy I meet, but if they don't give me a reason not to like them and fast then my heart seems to lay ties and railroad tracks that I am later tied to run and run over because of. I get hurt and heartbroken more often than I care to admit. Perhaps if I were to be more choosey... (but then again, some people think I am too opinionated and selective already).
4. Blue eyes. Curses.
5. My desire to not fail. Ever. This weakness sometimes cons me into the belief that if I simply don't try then I won't fail. Which is obviously wrong but being mortal kind of has it's kinks and problems that need to be ironed out by ourselves. In my acting class we are told if we do not fail then we fail. Meaning, if we don't put ourselves out there and risk failure then we fail to grow and we fail to live. We may have played it safe in our acting and maybe come out with an okay piece of work but we can never be amazing if we aren't willing to fail.
These are just a few of my weaknesses. What are yours?
25 October 2012
7 AM the Usual Morning Line-up!
Okay, so my day never starts at 7 AM.
Anyway. A usual day for me starts at roughly 9 AM. I get up (aka roll off the couch which I seem to be inhabiting lately), read my scriptures, exercise every other day and eat some breakfast. Usually breakfast consists of cereal but since I am all out, I will probably resort to either toast or oatmeal.
After all of that, I take a shower, do my hair and make-up (which has lately consisted of chapstick and mascara...) and pick out an outfit for the day. Next, I check for any important emails that may have come in over night (which rarely happens) and either study or attend class. Sunday night through Thursday night I go to work from 8:30 PM to midnight which isn't my favorite but I do get my Friday and Saturday evenings off so that's something isn't it?
I actually assume this "typical day" will be changing here pretty fast seeing as Disney doesn't seem to be panning out and therefore I will need to find a full time job off of campus to take place of my class time and part time job of this semester.
All in all, I daresay the next few months will be anything but "typical" and I am not entirely sure when I will resume a typical schedule... maybe never but we'll see.
So, in all honesty it was kind of exciting. I had been invited to three different Halloween parties this Saturday night (and then a game night was quite recently offered that night as well) and then seeing as I was too late in setting up plans with a friend of mine on Friday, I was invited to yet another Halloween shin-dig and that's where I hope to see myself this Saturday.
I am still open to suggestions as far as easy and cheap costumes go but I am leaning toward being static cling. Definitely a departure from my usual polished and thought out appearance for such things as dance parties but hey-- my hair will probably become a mess anyway so why not start out with it looking "static-y"? Yeah, I think it's a good idea but you never know what someone else will pull out of the hat.
Well, I guess I'll be heading off to work here pretty soon. I just hope it isn't as messy as it was last night in my section. It looked as though the students had brought branches full of leaves into the annex of the library and shook them all about before taking the sticks back out and leaving all the leaves to be sucked up later by the vacuum. Ridiculous, to be honest.
Oh yes! I almost forgot. This morning, I was awoken by rather stormy weather. I was thrilled to see it was raining to only become dramatically horrified when the rain turned into hail and then into snow... it melted before mid-day but it's still freezing here in Provo! Golly, I think it may be a chillier winter than last year. Will I survive??
Anyway, the next blog should be interesting. My top 5 weaknesses will be the subject. Look forward to it!
23 October 2012
Ironic...
So... today I am supposed to address my top 10 pet peeves. And this is after having gone to the temple, after which I should be trying to keep as kind as possible. But then again, it might be a good completion of my day of de-stress and detox to just get it all out there, so to speak.
Without further ado, "describe 10 pet peeves that you have":
1. I cannot stand chewed nails. I am not going to lie, I used to bite my nails as a kid but my mom soon realized what I was doing and put a stop to it and I am so thankful that she did. When I see bitten nails, I am pretty sure my own nails are screaming in terror in their beds. It looks painful and it is hard to correct and present well-maintained hands.
2. When people assume that your stuff is free game. There are a few things, such as movies and cooking utensils that I am fine with people using as long as they treat it properly and clean up after themselves/put away the discs, etc. However when other personal items such as ukuleles (which isn't really mine anyway) and various belongings that have sentimental value are picked up out of nowhere and are allowed to be used by anyone without permission... no. I am not okay with that. I suppose it has something to do with the number of siblings I had but who is to know for sure?
3. When people continuously ask me for updates on auditions/job interviews that I post on facebook. If I write about it in a status, asking for prayers, etc, then I will let the facebook world know... when I know.
4. Not being able to watch movies in peace. I just happen to be one of those people who watch a movie for the sake of watching the movie. Sure, I make the occasional comment but a full-blown conversation (especially when I haven't seen the movie or someone else in the room hasn't) definitely is not my favorite. The problem with conversations is one of two things is bound to happen: someone will give away an important point of the movie OR the newbie will miss a key component to the ending of the movie. Then you have have to have a whole conversation explaining what they just missed when they could have just experienced it through the acting. Same thing goes with sports... especially those I don't understand myself.
5. Not being able to get a word in edge-wise in a conversation... or when I am in the middle of a story and I can't get through it because people can't hold their "clever comments" until I am finished. I like to be a part of the conversation, not a decoration for the room. Thank you.
6. When I am trying to be helpful and point something out kindly and I am completely shot down or have the irritation of whatever the situation may be transferred to me as though everything is suddenly my fault. It happened in the temple today. Ah... the restraint.
7. Manipulative children... and those manipulative adults who obviously have been like that since they were children. For example-- I was in Walmart the other day in need of some conditioner and found it in the same aisle as the hair color. Enter little girl with faded multicolored hair with a weary looking lady behind her. Little girl wants the reddest hair dye the store has to offer. She finds it. It is approximately 8 dollars. Not too expensive if you are a grown lady and feel the need to cover up some grays but at the pampering of a child who should still have natural hair? The mom tentatively agrees to it until she hears how much it costs. The mom is then adamant the little girl choose something less expensive. Little girl throws tantrum. You know the kind. Trying to butter the mom up at first but seeing that is not going to work immediately turns into a wee devil, accusing her mom of being a liar and a cheapskate. Calling all the other colors puke ugly and only for old women, etc etc... I am highly curious but I do hope that lady stuck to her guns.
Manipulative adults... still acting like children except in suits and such. Oi.
8. The heat. Personally, I would be fine with cool-cold weather all year round. Why? Scarves, my friends. Scarves and sweaters and long sleeve shirts with cute pea coats and boots... to boot. Haha! The heat? Swimming you say? Bah. I can swim inside in a heated pool area if I really wanted to I suppose. And how much can you take off in the summer and still be decent to be seen in EVERY situation? Yeah... not much at all.
9. There, they're and their. Use them properly. And on the subject of writing-- u is not acceptable for you in my eyes. I know there are more of them but I don't need to go into too much of a rant on this one I suppose.
10. What to choose for my tenth pet-peeve...
I suppose I will settle for this: when someone has no idea where they are going but insists that it is perfectly okay to keep the music up loud so that they can't hear the advice of those around them. Pride doesn't get you to your destination any faster and turning up the volume to "preserve your pride" is dangerous in that it is completely distracting and unattractive. One thing is for sure. Any man of mine better walk the line--- if he isn't going to ask for directions he had better allow me to ask for directions and then tell him which way we need to go from there or get out of the driver seat and let me get us to our destination with our lives in tact and a little less grief and stress. That is all.
Honestly, there are more but I suppose this is enough risk at upsetting people for one day. Granted not everyone who applies to these pet peeves of mine (and certainly the weather isn't going to catch wind of this) will read it. But that's how I see it. Until next time where you will get a peek into the daily life of me.
Without further ado, "describe 10 pet peeves that you have":
1. I cannot stand chewed nails. I am not going to lie, I used to bite my nails as a kid but my mom soon realized what I was doing and put a stop to it and I am so thankful that she did. When I see bitten nails, I am pretty sure my own nails are screaming in terror in their beds. It looks painful and it is hard to correct and present well-maintained hands.
2. When people assume that your stuff is free game. There are a few things, such as movies and cooking utensils that I am fine with people using as long as they treat it properly and clean up after themselves/put away the discs, etc. However when other personal items such as ukuleles (which isn't really mine anyway) and various belongings that have sentimental value are picked up out of nowhere and are allowed to be used by anyone without permission... no. I am not okay with that. I suppose it has something to do with the number of siblings I had but who is to know for sure?
3. When people continuously ask me for updates on auditions/job interviews that I post on facebook. If I write about it in a status, asking for prayers, etc, then I will let the facebook world know... when I know.
4. Not being able to watch movies in peace. I just happen to be one of those people who watch a movie for the sake of watching the movie. Sure, I make the occasional comment but a full-blown conversation (especially when I haven't seen the movie or someone else in the room hasn't) definitely is not my favorite. The problem with conversations is one of two things is bound to happen: someone will give away an important point of the movie OR the newbie will miss a key component to the ending of the movie. Then you have have to have a whole conversation explaining what they just missed when they could have just experienced it through the acting. Same thing goes with sports... especially those I don't understand myself.
5. Not being able to get a word in edge-wise in a conversation... or when I am in the middle of a story and I can't get through it because people can't hold their "clever comments" until I am finished. I like to be a part of the conversation, not a decoration for the room. Thank you.
6. When I am trying to be helpful and point something out kindly and I am completely shot down or have the irritation of whatever the situation may be transferred to me as though everything is suddenly my fault. It happened in the temple today. Ah... the restraint.
7. Manipulative children... and those manipulative adults who obviously have been like that since they were children. For example-- I was in Walmart the other day in need of some conditioner and found it in the same aisle as the hair color. Enter little girl with faded multicolored hair with a weary looking lady behind her. Little girl wants the reddest hair dye the store has to offer. She finds it. It is approximately 8 dollars. Not too expensive if you are a grown lady and feel the need to cover up some grays but at the pampering of a child who should still have natural hair? The mom tentatively agrees to it until she hears how much it costs. The mom is then adamant the little girl choose something less expensive. Little girl throws tantrum. You know the kind. Trying to butter the mom up at first but seeing that is not going to work immediately turns into a wee devil, accusing her mom of being a liar and a cheapskate. Calling all the other colors puke ugly and only for old women, etc etc... I am highly curious but I do hope that lady stuck to her guns.
Manipulative adults... still acting like children except in suits and such. Oi.
8. The heat. Personally, I would be fine with cool-cold weather all year round. Why? Scarves, my friends. Scarves and sweaters and long sleeve shirts with cute pea coats and boots... to boot. Haha! The heat? Swimming you say? Bah. I can swim inside in a heated pool area if I really wanted to I suppose. And how much can you take off in the summer and still be decent to be seen in EVERY situation? Yeah... not much at all.
9. There, they're and their. Use them properly. And on the subject of writing-- u is not acceptable for you in my eyes. I know there are more of them but I don't need to go into too much of a rant on this one I suppose.
10. What to choose for my tenth pet-peeve...
I suppose I will settle for this: when someone has no idea where they are going but insists that it is perfectly okay to keep the music up loud so that they can't hear the advice of those around them. Pride doesn't get you to your destination any faster and turning up the volume to "preserve your pride" is dangerous in that it is completely distracting and unattractive. One thing is for sure. Any man of mine better walk the line--- if he isn't going to ask for directions he had better allow me to ask for directions and then tell him which way we need to go from there or get out of the driver seat and let me get us to our destination with our lives in tact and a little less grief and stress. That is all.
Honestly, there are more but I suppose this is enough risk at upsetting people for one day. Granted not everyone who applies to these pet peeves of mine (and certainly the weather isn't going to catch wind of this) will read it. But that's how I see it. Until next time where you will get a peek into the daily life of me.
Much to Her Chagrin...
I believe a group of my friends and I were on the way to the store the other day when someone asked, quite randomly, what "chagrin" meant. I love having a vast vocabulary. Without missing a beat I answered "embarrassment!" and was very proud of that knowledge. I think I learned chagrin back in 5th grade... probably had something to do with reading the Lord of the Rings, whaaaat?
Yes. Random fact, when I moved to Corning and met my 8th grade teacher for the first time she didn't believe I had already read the trilogy not once, but three times starting in the 4th grade or so. I took those fancy little reading tests, you know the Accelerated Reading programs? Did not miss a single question on any of the three. Unfortunately, that also meant my number of required A.R. points for the semester jacked up to much more than the measly 50 or so I had been assigned the first semester... at least it gave me a legitimate excuse to read more during that year, right?
Today was a good day and I am definitely looking forward to what tomorrow has in store for me. Hopefully I will hear back from Disney as well... wouldn't that be nice?
So... to the topic. I am pretty sure this is the hardest question because I have no real idea as to how I am going to answer it. But here it goes...
Describe your most embarrassing moment:
Well, okay, it wasn't a question but back to the point. I have had my share of embarrassing moments, many from when I was younger but I suppose most of my embarrassing moments now are more silent and kept to myself. Ah! Wait! I just remembered one. It didn't come to me at first because it was only between me and my dance teacher from my last semester (winter semester) at the Y.
So, we were having a special practice session before our medals exams and it was getting down to the nitty gritty details you see. Well, he decided to check my connection. Meaning, while in dance position that we have a good connection through our torsos and hips-- it helps when the man leads you through the dance and just ups your game a little more. We set our arms correctly and he asked me to step into him as if to get ready to start the quickstep.
I did as he instructed and... he laughed. Confused, I demanded to know what he found so funny... apparently I had brilliant connection from the waist down... he laughed for a good 5 minutes, I was mortified, and every time after that for that session when we got into dance position he would chuckle briefly.
This embarrassing moment was only compounded by the following class period the next Tuesday or so. Our TA was MIA that day and he wanted to show the class a specific step and how to do it. Of course, it was one of the steps that we had done the most work on and apparently he felt I was qualified and improved enough that I could help demonstrate. I had already told some of my other female classmates of my experience with him from the other day and I could have sworn my face was on fire.
And of course, when he reached out for my hand and I finally took it, we zapped each other. Not once, but four times after that--- every time we would connect, a little zap of electricity would light upon our fingers. You know those moments when you should keep your observations to yourself? Yeah, I haven't quite mastered that concept just yet... I brought it up with him and, I daresay he was duly embarrassed. I suppose it evens out in the end.
But goodness...
I actually just thought of another embarrassing moment but I think this is enough for today. Ha. Suckers.
Goodnight!
Yes. Random fact, when I moved to Corning and met my 8th grade teacher for the first time she didn't believe I had already read the trilogy not once, but three times starting in the 4th grade or so. I took those fancy little reading tests, you know the Accelerated Reading programs? Did not miss a single question on any of the three. Unfortunately, that also meant my number of required A.R. points for the semester jacked up to much more than the measly 50 or so I had been assigned the first semester... at least it gave me a legitimate excuse to read more during that year, right?
Today was a good day and I am definitely looking forward to what tomorrow has in store for me. Hopefully I will hear back from Disney as well... wouldn't that be nice?
So... to the topic. I am pretty sure this is the hardest question because I have no real idea as to how I am going to answer it. But here it goes...
Describe your most embarrassing moment:
Well, okay, it wasn't a question but back to the point. I have had my share of embarrassing moments, many from when I was younger but I suppose most of my embarrassing moments now are more silent and kept to myself. Ah! Wait! I just remembered one. It didn't come to me at first because it was only between me and my dance teacher from my last semester (winter semester) at the Y.
So, we were having a special practice session before our medals exams and it was getting down to the nitty gritty details you see. Well, he decided to check my connection. Meaning, while in dance position that we have a good connection through our torsos and hips-- it helps when the man leads you through the dance and just ups your game a little more. We set our arms correctly and he asked me to step into him as if to get ready to start the quickstep.
I did as he instructed and... he laughed. Confused, I demanded to know what he found so funny... apparently I had brilliant connection from the waist down... he laughed for a good 5 minutes, I was mortified, and every time after that for that session when we got into dance position he would chuckle briefly.
This embarrassing moment was only compounded by the following class period the next Tuesday or so. Our TA was MIA that day and he wanted to show the class a specific step and how to do it. Of course, it was one of the steps that we had done the most work on and apparently he felt I was qualified and improved enough that I could help demonstrate. I had already told some of my other female classmates of my experience with him from the other day and I could have sworn my face was on fire.
And of course, when he reached out for my hand and I finally took it, we zapped each other. Not once, but four times after that--- every time we would connect, a little zap of electricity would light upon our fingers. You know those moments when you should keep your observations to yourself? Yeah, I haven't quite mastered that concept just yet... I brought it up with him and, I daresay he was duly embarrassed. I suppose it evens out in the end.
But goodness...
I actually just thought of another embarrassing moment but I think this is enough for today. Ha. Suckers.
Goodnight!
22 October 2012
The Magnificent... 10.
So, in spite of having to work, today was an overall good day. I love Sundays. Nothing is really all that hectic and although I don't ever seem to have time to squeeze in a nap, it always seems to work out just fine. Plus, it was such a blessing to attend my meetings today. So many of the lessons pointed to a reassurance that blessings will come to those who faithfully pay their tithing first and follow the commandments of God.
However, realizing the very real plight I may be in for if Disney doesn't pan out, I'm going to try going around for jobs again. To be honest it would help if I had a bus pass but perhaps that will come with time? Who knows? Maybe I can find a part time off campus and work on campus until they kick me out and get enough money to buy one...? It may just work... now if I can find someone willing to hire me within walking distance. (I would say biking distance but I have a feeling snow isn't too far off...)
If I can't find a different job however... I will probably be whisked away back to Brookings. Definitely not ideal for any one but I guess it will give my parents another slave for a while longer. Ha! (Mom, I talked to my supervisor and if I understand completely right [I don't think there was any way to misunderstand] then I will be offed no longer than two weeks before the new semester {winter} starts... so the weekend before Christmas...? That is my estimation. And this is all if, of course, I don't get Disney and can't find a proper job between now and mid-November let's say?)
So, please keep up the prayers if you have been praying that SOMEthing will pan out. And I will continue working hard for my goals.
Now to turn to the main message contained in this blog (beware... I fear it may be rather long-- not for the faint of heart!!) I am to list the 10 people that have influenced me the most and why. This may be tough but I will prevail!
1. Parents. OK. Obvious, I know but I will split them into A and B to be certain (and so that one doesn't feel less loved than the other... of course. And it will be alphabetical by title.)
A. Dad. Growing up, Dad was definitely the sort of quiet support that balances out the advice given by Mom. The thing I loved about the times I was around Dad were how comfortably we could sit in silence, listening to Enya or singing aloud to Beach Boys (Endless Summer). I look for a lot of qualities in the guys I think seriously about that I have found in Dad over the years. His patience is definitely among the top qualities and, although I can't say I deserve the patience, I do hope the Lord blesses me with someone like him. He has influenced the way I think men ought to treat women and I never lacked the knowledge of him loving me and thinking I was one of the prettiest little girls he had ever seen (even when I donated my hair for the first time and walked into Les Schwab with a bob). Thank heavens for good fathers.
B. Mom. What can I say? Although we do butt heads now that I am out of the house (it didn't happen as much while we lived under the same roof for some reason... but moving on) Mom has definitely influenced the way I go about my religion. I admit that I fall off the bandwagon sometimes but when it comes to my beliefs and how they structure my life I don't back down. Mom (with Dad's support as well) always helped me to make sure I paid my tithing correctly, properly and promptly. And of course, she also influenced my cooking and baking. The cookies I make aren't exactly as she taught me, I'll admit but I would never have developed the love of being in the kitchen without her encouraging me (and sometimes "forcing" me) to help in the kitchen--especially around the holiday seasons. Looking back on those times that we were working together in the kitchen, I definitely miss those moments. Even when she scolded me for cutting the potatoes to small for the potato salad, at least she cared enough to pay attention and to teach me how to do it right so that, if ever I were to find myself making potato salad, I know how to do it properly.
C. (Haha!) I just realized that I should probably put a category of my parents together-- my taste in music has been greatly influenced by these people. I mean, really? Everything from Johnny Cash and George Strait, Patsy Cline and Shania Twain country to Journey, Eagles and Chicago? Yeah, that's quite the mix. Furthermore, I know what a working marriage looks like. They will have been together for 26 years this November I believe and you know what? They may not always agree, but they work through it. Although my Dad and I are much alike in our quietness, they have learned how to communicate with one another (not always crystal clear at first) and work until they have understood each other as well as is possible between a man and a woman. I know the love between them and I know their devotion to the Gospel is one of the many things that keep them together. I am thankful to be aware of this so that I might apply it later on.
2. Aunt Candy. My mom's little sister. The relative that I most resemble. In an almost freaky manner. Haha! Candy is, quoting myself from earlier years, the smartest person I know, personally. Perhaps not as far as all that science and mathematics stuff goes but just about life in general. She never ceases to amaze me with her strength and understanding of the Gospel. She served a mission for the church when she was 22 and although she is single, she has made it work for her. She hasn't given up on life but continues to move forward, serving the Lord and her fellow man. I cannot tell you how much I cherish those times when I was able to drive with her in her little green bug and talk about life. {The cool thing about aunts is they can totally support you without the nervousness of a parent (of course they get nervous sometimes but it's a more gungho feel towards life if you understand me). } Those times in her car, listening to Taylor Swift and the like, I always appreciated the advice she gave to me and her refreshing outside view of my life. I find strength in her strength and hope to be as whole as she is if things don't pan out the way I always believed they would. Also, her excellent taste in music and understanding of my feelings toward how my life is currently have added to my music collection a few songs that help me to hope and have faith that all will work out in the end for all of us.
3. Jerry (and in ways that can only be found in a family, the rest of my siblings). My older brother. Influence? Oh, he taught me to be tough alright. Stick to my guns and hang on tight so that I'm not the only one who gets hurt when we hit the ground. How blessed I am to have an older brother who taught me to be wary of those smooth talkin' guys older than I and wiser in the ways of the world. I remember a couple of times back when we were in high school together when boys would take peculiar interest in me. He definitely did the big brother role proud, scaring away those who encouraged me to dress less than I did, and even getting ready to kill whatever guy had dared to whistle at me down the hallway of our school. Jerry, much like my Dad, helped me to know what was not acceptable from guys and which guys were best to avoid. Of course, I have only just recently started to be able to really and truly apply this knowledge but it is better late than never. Jerry, Mikkaila, Thomas and Alexandra have shown me unconditional love and also showed me just how much I must work on my patience. What are siblings for anyway if not to fight with you all night and then talk to one another into the wee hours of the morning about the "important stuff" in life?
4. Patrick. My first kiss. And now I know just how strong I am.
5. Kelton. I have learned so much from this young man. Not only how to play the ukulele but also that not everyone will judge me harshly. There are definitely people out there who, even though they haven't been tested in the same ways I have, can understand me and accept me and realize that I have already met with the Lord and been given that beloved gift of forgiveness. I also realize just how much I am willing to sacrifice to make a relationship work. It takes patience from both sides, understanding that not every free moment can be spent with one another but that if your thoughts are caring toward one another, at the very least, it will be alright until the morrow. I also know how warm a friendship post relationship can be if it is ended in the right manner with the right spirit. I have learned how to move on without destroying what beauty is left to me.
6. Ashley and Emily. Why together? Because we're three peas in a pod. Casashmily. They have taught me to be me and what it truly means to be sisters from another mother. "God made us best friends because He knew our mothers couldn't handle us as sisters," greatly applies to our friendship and sisterhood. They have taught me to expect the unexpected in matters of love and future plans. They have helped me to embrace my silly side and to make memories while I can for you never know when the next great reunion will be. They are my older sisters. And after that fated meeting sleeping in the same room as a grandfather clock and a baby grand, my life has been changed for good.
7. The House Show Crew and Mikayla. Mikayla introduced me to the residents of the Avocottage and there are a handful of my Saturday nights that I will cherish to the end of time. I have been influenced by these guys in the cozy closeness that comes with a shared love of good music. Furthermore, having seen these friends act and heard their lyrics and dramaturgy, the passion I have for these arts will never fade.
8. Writers such as J.R.R. Tolkien, J.K. Rowling and Kristen Britain. Books. Reading. Fantasy. Imagination. To be honest, I cannot remember what I started to read first out of Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings. It might have actually been around the same time. Thankfully, Mom read Harry Potter aloud to the whole family whilst I read the Lord of the Rings Trilogy to myself. I had never really considered being a writer until I read these books, most especially the Lord of the Rings (which is evident in the short story I wrote in 6th grade based off of what the Lord of the Rings had caused to me imagine concerning elves and hobbits). Then when I stumbled upon the Green Rider Series by complete happen-stance, it merely encouraged my love of the fantastic and has had great influence upon the kind of stories I most seriously pursue when it comes to my own writing. These are the influences of my dreams and writings.
9. Jill Reed followed closely by Maren O'Dell. Jill Reed is the lady I give credit to for my learning how to sing. She was one of the those rare kind of grown ups who was legitimately about the kids. Without a real teaching position, I remember her coming to my elementary classes once a week or so and instead of PE we would sing (which, as always, I found a much better alternative). Even from that young age, she knew I was to be an alto and so she stuck me near the strong altos so that I could learn. She gave me one of my very first opportunities to be on stage at a choir competition that we attended, selecting me and two of my friends at the time to sing a trio opening for Somewhere Over the Rainbow. As a result, this is my first choice in almost any audition because it is the song that I have sung the most and tried my best to perfect my a capella rendition of it. Continuing in my musical path, when she found that my mother had been convinced to get piano lessons for me, she let us borrow one of her two pianos so that I might practice that which she would teach me. She really believed in my talent and as such gave me two hard songs... or at least hard in my beginner's mind. Pie Jesu and Beauty School Drop Out. I was only able to take lessons from her for a short time (during which I came to be the proud owner of a certain black and white cat that she found in her backyard one day) before the family moved to Corning, CA. To be honest, if I could have at least one wish granted, it would be to see her face to face once more so that I could show her how far I've come from the wisp-ish little 11 year old to the young woman I am now, having progressed in my singing, playing, acting and dancing since those days when she took the time to re-enact the Phantom of the Opera for all of us wondering students to dream of. I include Maren O'Dell because of the patience she had with me to re-work what I had been taught concerning piano playing (something that Jill had predicted my future teacher would have to do because of her rather unorthodox teaching). She broke me down a bit and re-built me into a better pianist who can now sight read a great deal and also search for more difficult songs in the genres I like most.
10. This in no way means that these are the last on my list but merely because I felt the best way to finish off a Sunday post would be with my testimony. Jesus Christ has influenced my life in all areas. He is the reason I can hope for tomorrow. Through His sacrifice and everlasting atonement, I know that I will continue to progress from this life into the next life. If I keep the commandments of our Heavenly Father and follow in the footsteps of His Son, Jesus Christ, then all things will work out in the end. "My kindness shall not depart from thee," is a promise I remember almost daily and thank my Lord, Jesus Christ for the opportunity to repent and try again tomorrow. I can stand bravely in the face of adversity when I remember He is by my side and has never left me.
I love my Brother. I love my Father. And I am thankful for the Holy Ghost that they have sent to me to keep me walking along that right path toward eternal life and love. There hasn't been one decision that has altered my life where I haven't stopped to consider if it was in keeping with what He has commanded me to do. Read the Book of Mormon. I know it to be true and another testament of the living Christ. I am thankful for the people who have influenced my life, mentioned here in this blog or not, and look forward to the people I will meet who will contribute even more to the enriching of my life.
Stay tuned next time to discover my most embarrassing moment. Le gasp.
However, realizing the very real plight I may be in for if Disney doesn't pan out, I'm going to try going around for jobs again. To be honest it would help if I had a bus pass but perhaps that will come with time? Who knows? Maybe I can find a part time off campus and work on campus until they kick me out and get enough money to buy one...? It may just work... now if I can find someone willing to hire me within walking distance. (I would say biking distance but I have a feeling snow isn't too far off...)
If I can't find a different job however... I will probably be whisked away back to Brookings. Definitely not ideal for any one but I guess it will give my parents another slave for a while longer. Ha! (Mom, I talked to my supervisor and if I understand completely right [I don't think there was any way to misunderstand] then I will be offed no longer than two weeks before the new semester {winter} starts... so the weekend before Christmas...? That is my estimation. And this is all if, of course, I don't get Disney and can't find a proper job between now and mid-November let's say?)
So, please keep up the prayers if you have been praying that SOMEthing will pan out. And I will continue working hard for my goals.
Now to turn to the main message contained in this blog (beware... I fear it may be rather long-- not for the faint of heart!!) I am to list the 10 people that have influenced me the most and why. This may be tough but I will prevail!
1. Parents. OK. Obvious, I know but I will split them into A and B to be certain (and so that one doesn't feel less loved than the other... of course. And it will be alphabetical by title.)
A. Dad. Growing up, Dad was definitely the sort of quiet support that balances out the advice given by Mom. The thing I loved about the times I was around Dad were how comfortably we could sit in silence, listening to Enya or singing aloud to Beach Boys (Endless Summer). I look for a lot of qualities in the guys I think seriously about that I have found in Dad over the years. His patience is definitely among the top qualities and, although I can't say I deserve the patience, I do hope the Lord blesses me with someone like him. He has influenced the way I think men ought to treat women and I never lacked the knowledge of him loving me and thinking I was one of the prettiest little girls he had ever seen (even when I donated my hair for the first time and walked into Les Schwab with a bob). Thank heavens for good fathers.
B. Mom. What can I say? Although we do butt heads now that I am out of the house (it didn't happen as much while we lived under the same roof for some reason... but moving on) Mom has definitely influenced the way I go about my religion. I admit that I fall off the bandwagon sometimes but when it comes to my beliefs and how they structure my life I don't back down. Mom (with Dad's support as well) always helped me to make sure I paid my tithing correctly, properly and promptly. And of course, she also influenced my cooking and baking. The cookies I make aren't exactly as she taught me, I'll admit but I would never have developed the love of being in the kitchen without her encouraging me (and sometimes "forcing" me) to help in the kitchen--especially around the holiday seasons. Looking back on those times that we were working together in the kitchen, I definitely miss those moments. Even when she scolded me for cutting the potatoes to small for the potato salad, at least she cared enough to pay attention and to teach me how to do it right so that, if ever I were to find myself making potato salad, I know how to do it properly.
C. (Haha!) I just realized that I should probably put a category of my parents together-- my taste in music has been greatly influenced by these people. I mean, really? Everything from Johnny Cash and George Strait, Patsy Cline and Shania Twain country to Journey, Eagles and Chicago? Yeah, that's quite the mix. Furthermore, I know what a working marriage looks like. They will have been together for 26 years this November I believe and you know what? They may not always agree, but they work through it. Although my Dad and I are much alike in our quietness, they have learned how to communicate with one another (not always crystal clear at first) and work until they have understood each other as well as is possible between a man and a woman. I know the love between them and I know their devotion to the Gospel is one of the many things that keep them together. I am thankful to be aware of this so that I might apply it later on.
2. Aunt Candy. My mom's little sister. The relative that I most resemble. In an almost freaky manner. Haha! Candy is, quoting myself from earlier years, the smartest person I know, personally. Perhaps not as far as all that science and mathematics stuff goes but just about life in general. She never ceases to amaze me with her strength and understanding of the Gospel. She served a mission for the church when she was 22 and although she is single, she has made it work for her. She hasn't given up on life but continues to move forward, serving the Lord and her fellow man. I cannot tell you how much I cherish those times when I was able to drive with her in her little green bug and talk about life. {The cool thing about aunts is they can totally support you without the nervousness of a parent (of course they get nervous sometimes but it's a more gungho feel towards life if you understand me). } Those times in her car, listening to Taylor Swift and the like, I always appreciated the advice she gave to me and her refreshing outside view of my life. I find strength in her strength and hope to be as whole as she is if things don't pan out the way I always believed they would. Also, her excellent taste in music and understanding of my feelings toward how my life is currently have added to my music collection a few songs that help me to hope and have faith that all will work out in the end for all of us.
3. Jerry (and in ways that can only be found in a family, the rest of my siblings). My older brother. Influence? Oh, he taught me to be tough alright. Stick to my guns and hang on tight so that I'm not the only one who gets hurt when we hit the ground. How blessed I am to have an older brother who taught me to be wary of those smooth talkin' guys older than I and wiser in the ways of the world. I remember a couple of times back when we were in high school together when boys would take peculiar interest in me. He definitely did the big brother role proud, scaring away those who encouraged me to dress less than I did, and even getting ready to kill whatever guy had dared to whistle at me down the hallway of our school. Jerry, much like my Dad, helped me to know what was not acceptable from guys and which guys were best to avoid. Of course, I have only just recently started to be able to really and truly apply this knowledge but it is better late than never. Jerry, Mikkaila, Thomas and Alexandra have shown me unconditional love and also showed me just how much I must work on my patience. What are siblings for anyway if not to fight with you all night and then talk to one another into the wee hours of the morning about the "important stuff" in life?
4. Patrick. My first kiss. And now I know just how strong I am.
5. Kelton. I have learned so much from this young man. Not only how to play the ukulele but also that not everyone will judge me harshly. There are definitely people out there who, even though they haven't been tested in the same ways I have, can understand me and accept me and realize that I have already met with the Lord and been given that beloved gift of forgiveness. I also realize just how much I am willing to sacrifice to make a relationship work. It takes patience from both sides, understanding that not every free moment can be spent with one another but that if your thoughts are caring toward one another, at the very least, it will be alright until the morrow. I also know how warm a friendship post relationship can be if it is ended in the right manner with the right spirit. I have learned how to move on without destroying what beauty is left to me.
6. Ashley and Emily. Why together? Because we're three peas in a pod. Casashmily. They have taught me to be me and what it truly means to be sisters from another mother. "God made us best friends because He knew our mothers couldn't handle us as sisters," greatly applies to our friendship and sisterhood. They have taught me to expect the unexpected in matters of love and future plans. They have helped me to embrace my silly side and to make memories while I can for you never know when the next great reunion will be. They are my older sisters. And after that fated meeting sleeping in the same room as a grandfather clock and a baby grand, my life has been changed for good.
7. The House Show Crew and Mikayla. Mikayla introduced me to the residents of the Avocottage and there are a handful of my Saturday nights that I will cherish to the end of time. I have been influenced by these guys in the cozy closeness that comes with a shared love of good music. Furthermore, having seen these friends act and heard their lyrics and dramaturgy, the passion I have for these arts will never fade.
8. Writers such as J.R.R. Tolkien, J.K. Rowling and Kristen Britain. Books. Reading. Fantasy. Imagination. To be honest, I cannot remember what I started to read first out of Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings. It might have actually been around the same time. Thankfully, Mom read Harry Potter aloud to the whole family whilst I read the Lord of the Rings Trilogy to myself. I had never really considered being a writer until I read these books, most especially the Lord of the Rings (which is evident in the short story I wrote in 6th grade based off of what the Lord of the Rings had caused to me imagine concerning elves and hobbits). Then when I stumbled upon the Green Rider Series by complete happen-stance, it merely encouraged my love of the fantastic and has had great influence upon the kind of stories I most seriously pursue when it comes to my own writing. These are the influences of my dreams and writings.
9. Jill Reed followed closely by Maren O'Dell. Jill Reed is the lady I give credit to for my learning how to sing. She was one of the those rare kind of grown ups who was legitimately about the kids. Without a real teaching position, I remember her coming to my elementary classes once a week or so and instead of PE we would sing (which, as always, I found a much better alternative). Even from that young age, she knew I was to be an alto and so she stuck me near the strong altos so that I could learn. She gave me one of my very first opportunities to be on stage at a choir competition that we attended, selecting me and two of my friends at the time to sing a trio opening for Somewhere Over the Rainbow. As a result, this is my first choice in almost any audition because it is the song that I have sung the most and tried my best to perfect my a capella rendition of it. Continuing in my musical path, when she found that my mother had been convinced to get piano lessons for me, she let us borrow one of her two pianos so that I might practice that which she would teach me. She really believed in my talent and as such gave me two hard songs... or at least hard in my beginner's mind. Pie Jesu and Beauty School Drop Out. I was only able to take lessons from her for a short time (during which I came to be the proud owner of a certain black and white cat that she found in her backyard one day) before the family moved to Corning, CA. To be honest, if I could have at least one wish granted, it would be to see her face to face once more so that I could show her how far I've come from the wisp-ish little 11 year old to the young woman I am now, having progressed in my singing, playing, acting and dancing since those days when she took the time to re-enact the Phantom of the Opera for all of us wondering students to dream of. I include Maren O'Dell because of the patience she had with me to re-work what I had been taught concerning piano playing (something that Jill had predicted my future teacher would have to do because of her rather unorthodox teaching). She broke me down a bit and re-built me into a better pianist who can now sight read a great deal and also search for more difficult songs in the genres I like most.
10. This in no way means that these are the last on my list but merely because I felt the best way to finish off a Sunday post would be with my testimony. Jesus Christ has influenced my life in all areas. He is the reason I can hope for tomorrow. Through His sacrifice and everlasting atonement, I know that I will continue to progress from this life into the next life. If I keep the commandments of our Heavenly Father and follow in the footsteps of His Son, Jesus Christ, then all things will work out in the end. "My kindness shall not depart from thee," is a promise I remember almost daily and thank my Lord, Jesus Christ for the opportunity to repent and try again tomorrow. I can stand bravely in the face of adversity when I remember He is by my side and has never left me.
I love my Brother. I love my Father. And I am thankful for the Holy Ghost that they have sent to me to keep me walking along that right path toward eternal life and love. There hasn't been one decision that has altered my life where I haven't stopped to consider if it was in keeping with what He has commanded me to do. Read the Book of Mormon. I know it to be true and another testament of the living Christ. I am thankful for the people who have influenced my life, mentioned here in this blog or not, and look forward to the people I will meet who will contribute even more to the enriching of my life.
Stay tuned next time to discover my most embarrassing moment. Le gasp.
21 October 2012
Passion
What a wonderful evening I have just had! Every other month or so (as far as I can figure) I go to a House Show. What is a House Show you might ask? Well, let me tell you. It is when a bunch of good friends and good strangers gather at a cozy little house named the Avocottage for a night of music and camaraderie of the sincerest kind.
I cannot even begin to express the love I have for this event. I get to see some friends that otherwise I might have lost complete contact with and my are they lovely people. Talented too! Ted, Ben and Dan are the illustrious hosts (woah... all their names have three letters...) and each play at good handful of songs. Ted and Ben are, in my opinion, quite brilliant lyricists and it is so fun to find out what old "trashy pop" song Dan will pull out next. Ah the nostalgia...
Definitely made some new friends this evening and I hope that we might become better acquainted in the future.
And this perfectly dovetails into the subject of this blog post.
What are 5 passions you have?
1) It is easily seen that one of my passions is music. I think music is the embodiment of all that we ever wish to say and (while it is sometimes hidden within the lyrics or lack thereof) it is an art that connects humanity. You might not even know what the singers are saying (in the case of foreign artists) but the music and themes therein are, to risk sounding cliche, timeless and eternal. Anyone who really knows me knows that I find emotional release through the playing of the piano but sometimes, to myself, I sing songs that reflect whatever turmoil or peace lies in my heart at a given moment when it is too much for me to suppress. I sing lest I burst.
2) Another passion of mine is acting. The ability for me to completely lose my self in the story of the character that I am portraying is almost like taking a small vacation from reality. To imagine that your experiences are that of the character. When I go to a play or the cinema and feel my heart pricked by the poignancy and realism of a scene, I cannot help but feel excited and feel the almost uncontrollable urge to jump into the scene and react truly to whatever is being presented to my senses.
3) My third passion that comes to mind would have to be dancing. The abandoning of one's self to the rhythms in the music and being drawn to move lights my heart. I love the exhilaration that comes with learning a new dance or simply a new step within the dance. I never feel more graceful than when I am led in a waltz, one free of restrictive routines where one moment I may be dancing with my partner, experiencing the dance with him while the next I am by myself in a series of spins, pirouettes and reaching as if to call my partner back to my side.
4) A fourth passion of mine is writing. (Can you not tell?) Unfortunately, I find myself with so many ideas pouring from my mind that I have at least 30 or so beginnings of stories. I do plan to finish one... some day... I do find however, that I envy lyricists or poets in general. I love the shortness of their writing and how much it conveys in so few words but whenever I have a real desire to write it seems to turn into pages upon pages of novel-esque writing... perhaps I could find a class that would teach me how to ignore the desire to expound on everything and trust my audience to read between the lines/put a story to my song. Geez. Haha!
5) The last passion that I will share here is photography. To be honest, if I had a car, I would have been up Provo Canyon at the change of the seasons to capture the fire of the mountains that I have heard so much about. There is simply something magical about the changing colors of the leaves between summer and autumn. Anyway, even more than taking photos of nature and the delicate creations of the Lord, I love to take pictures of people. I wish I had more time to devote to learning true photography but there is just something about catching people in their most mundane and every day tasks that thrills me. Each person is different in the way they go about things: the tilt of their heads, the way their lips frame their smile, the small glances between two people who are just beginning to understand their feelings for one another to those who have known for a while and are finally caught showing their sweetest looks of adoration for one another. I am constantly amazed at the differences from person to person of their body structure even in its similarities, how each little detail has been thought of meticulously by our loving Creator. And to be able to catch these forms in the peak of movement or stillness is what truly draws me to the art, to capture their living essence.
Well, the hour is growing later still, church is in the morning, and I am highly curious to see what the weather will be about tomorrow. It seems a wind storm is having its yearly festivities with the falling leaves... maybe it will also guide some rain clouds across the sky...? Would not that be wonderful.
Until next time (probably tomorrow) wherein I will be listing the 10 people that have made an influence on me AND how! (A rather demanding question... I will have to really think about which 10 I choose, I daresay.)
I cannot even begin to express the love I have for this event. I get to see some friends that otherwise I might have lost complete contact with and my are they lovely people. Talented too! Ted, Ben and Dan are the illustrious hosts (woah... all their names have three letters...) and each play at good handful of songs. Ted and Ben are, in my opinion, quite brilliant lyricists and it is so fun to find out what old "trashy pop" song Dan will pull out next. Ah the nostalgia...
Definitely made some new friends this evening and I hope that we might become better acquainted in the future.
And this perfectly dovetails into the subject of this blog post.
What are 5 passions you have?
1) It is easily seen that one of my passions is music. I think music is the embodiment of all that we ever wish to say and (while it is sometimes hidden within the lyrics or lack thereof) it is an art that connects humanity. You might not even know what the singers are saying (in the case of foreign artists) but the music and themes therein are, to risk sounding cliche, timeless and eternal. Anyone who really knows me knows that I find emotional release through the playing of the piano but sometimes, to myself, I sing songs that reflect whatever turmoil or peace lies in my heart at a given moment when it is too much for me to suppress. I sing lest I burst.
2) Another passion of mine is acting. The ability for me to completely lose my self in the story of the character that I am portraying is almost like taking a small vacation from reality. To imagine that your experiences are that of the character. When I go to a play or the cinema and feel my heart pricked by the poignancy and realism of a scene, I cannot help but feel excited and feel the almost uncontrollable urge to jump into the scene and react truly to whatever is being presented to my senses.
3) My third passion that comes to mind would have to be dancing. The abandoning of one's self to the rhythms in the music and being drawn to move lights my heart. I love the exhilaration that comes with learning a new dance or simply a new step within the dance. I never feel more graceful than when I am led in a waltz, one free of restrictive routines where one moment I may be dancing with my partner, experiencing the dance with him while the next I am by myself in a series of spins, pirouettes and reaching as if to call my partner back to my side.
4) A fourth passion of mine is writing. (Can you not tell?) Unfortunately, I find myself with so many ideas pouring from my mind that I have at least 30 or so beginnings of stories. I do plan to finish one... some day... I do find however, that I envy lyricists or poets in general. I love the shortness of their writing and how much it conveys in so few words but whenever I have a real desire to write it seems to turn into pages upon pages of novel-esque writing... perhaps I could find a class that would teach me how to ignore the desire to expound on everything and trust my audience to read between the lines/put a story to my song. Geez. Haha!
5) The last passion that I will share here is photography. To be honest, if I had a car, I would have been up Provo Canyon at the change of the seasons to capture the fire of the mountains that I have heard so much about. There is simply something magical about the changing colors of the leaves between summer and autumn. Anyway, even more than taking photos of nature and the delicate creations of the Lord, I love to take pictures of people. I wish I had more time to devote to learning true photography but there is just something about catching people in their most mundane and every day tasks that thrills me. Each person is different in the way they go about things: the tilt of their heads, the way their lips frame their smile, the small glances between two people who are just beginning to understand their feelings for one another to those who have known for a while and are finally caught showing their sweetest looks of adoration for one another. I am constantly amazed at the differences from person to person of their body structure even in its similarities, how each little detail has been thought of meticulously by our loving Creator. And to be able to catch these forms in the peak of movement or stillness is what truly draws me to the art, to capture their living essence.
Well, the hour is growing later still, church is in the morning, and I am highly curious to see what the weather will be about tomorrow. It seems a wind storm is having its yearly festivities with the falling leaves... maybe it will also guide some rain clouds across the sky...? Would not that be wonderful.
Until next time (probably tomorrow) wherein I will be listing the 10 people that have made an influence on me AND how! (A rather demanding question... I will have to really think about which 10 I choose, I daresay.)
20 October 2012
That's Called Entertainment
"What is your dream job and why?"
I absolutely love to make people laugh, cry, think and feel inspired. I love it when something I do has some sort of impact on those around me whether it be big or small, life-changing or merely thought-provoking. Of course I love to know when people have been affected by what I do but it is not always completely necessary.
I find it kind of funny how much I detest and quail over auditions but once I have passed that small but necessary evil nuisance, I completely come to life on stage. I light up like a firefly on the 4th of July whenever I receive and then deliver a role really well.
In all honesty however I do not like to be put on the spot but if given notice I am always more than willing to sing a song or play the piano.
I also love to write. Thus, if I were to be able to cultivate and nurture that passion as well, my dream job would be a performer as well as a writer or perhaps a lyricist. I love to tell stories, whether by acting them out or writing them down or even singing about them.
I would love a job that would allow me to connect with people from all walks of life, from the eldest generation to the smallest child. In my mind it wouldn't be just a job but an act of service. To share my love and passion for these talents and the stories that I dream up would bring me the most fulfillment and happiness in my individual life. Would someone allow me to share an experience with them that can be both humorous and poignant in the space of a breath?
If you would ask, chances are I would love to share a story or two with you that I am working on currently or perhaps a poem that I have somehow churned out. Create with me, perform with me, grow with me.
I absolutely love to make people laugh, cry, think and feel inspired. I love it when something I do has some sort of impact on those around me whether it be big or small, life-changing or merely thought-provoking. Of course I love to know when people have been affected by what I do but it is not always completely necessary.
I find it kind of funny how much I detest and quail over auditions but once I have passed that small but necessary evil nuisance, I completely come to life on stage. I light up like a firefly on the 4th of July whenever I receive and then deliver a role really well.
In all honesty however I do not like to be put on the spot but if given notice I am always more than willing to sing a song or play the piano.
I also love to write. Thus, if I were to be able to cultivate and nurture that passion as well, my dream job would be a performer as well as a writer or perhaps a lyricist. I love to tell stories, whether by acting them out or writing them down or even singing about them.
I would love a job that would allow me to connect with people from all walks of life, from the eldest generation to the smallest child. In my mind it wouldn't be just a job but an act of service. To share my love and passion for these talents and the stories that I dream up would bring me the most fulfillment and happiness in my individual life. Would someone allow me to share an experience with them that can be both humorous and poignant in the space of a breath?
If you would ask, chances are I would love to share a story or two with you that I am working on currently or perhaps a poem that I have somehow churned out. Create with me, perform with me, grow with me.
19 October 2012
When Things Seem Hard
Tomorrow is going to be pretty busy and seeing as my mind won't shut off any time soon anyhow, I figure I might as well put up the next of the 30 Things.
What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
How does one really choose what the hardest thing is? They all look equally big or small depending on when they happened and how long they took to get over. Something that seemed hard at the time might not be such a big deal any more.
Other experiences are too personal to share on such a wide scale (although I admittedly only get 10-30 views on my blog posts) and are too close to other people's hearts to share so easily without the permission of the other party.
So I rephrase the above question as such:
What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced and are willing to share?
I would answer with "Life" but that seems to great a cop out. Therefore I will narrow it down to life after home. While at home, although the world didn't revolve around me, at least I knew there was someone I could go to within a few seconds thought to divulge my stories to. I always had a sibling who was willing to listen (a blessing that I seem to have taken for granted) and then there were my parents that as long as I made time and they weren't too busy, I could talk to them if I so desired. Every day I was reminded of my family's support through family prayer and family dinner. Thanks to Tommy, I never went a day without someone at least wanting to show affection (whether I allowed it or not was a different matter entirely... another thing I should have been nicer about).
Some may read this and say, "Just call them!" I don't find talking on the phone easy. I don't find it personal enough and it only seems to compound my longing to be there. The reason I like interacting with people is the expressions they make and the sounds of their voices left pure and clear, not muddled by miles upon miles of phone wire (although I am thankful for such when there is something that must be said immediately... such as Happy Birthday and other such oddments of celebratory speech).
It is so much less confusing when you can see their faces and hear their voices. Misunderstandings, though not completely improbable, are less frequent and if there is a misunderstanding it rarely snowballs up into anything bigger than a brief explanation and a hug of apology can't resolve.
I won't romanticize living at home too much, however, because now that I have had a taste of living on my own, there is only so much time I can devote to living with the family again. Not because I love them any less but merely because there is the new sense of independence that is instilled in my being and just the obvious fact that I move about in my life differently by myself than I am expected to do around the family. But it is very comforting to go back and visit (we have found that 2 weeks is just enough, one week being too short and 3 weeks... well, I'm just short of stir crazy by the end of it).
But the realization that comes with living on your own is that loneliness is easily found, solitude being answered more quickly even without being called for. I know I am never alone for God is with me but not being quite at that level of spirituality, I suppose, I still crave the companionship of friends and loved ones. This causes, and blesses, me to look forward with faith and hope that He will bless me with a family of my own one day that can take away the ache of loneliness and bring about the fulfillment that one can only experience when you finally put your knowledge of families and such into building one of your own.
So I guess the hardest experience I have ever known isn't summed up in "life after home" but in one word alone: loneliness. That is the hardest thing I have ever experienced and I have experienced it on many levels and planes especially in these past three years. Some are evident to any one who knows me on a friend level and others are only known to those whom I am compelled by the spirit to share with privately.
I am thankful for those people in my life who take a little time out of their busy schedules to alleviate this sometimes overwhelming loneliness. I am not one who enjoys pity but I do appreciate the understanding that some, often special, people have and who observe quietly before simply serving. I hope that I might become more like them so that my battles with loneliness will be fewer and farther in between.
Well, I have an audition for Disney in the morning and I am thankful to have a best friend who is mindful of my needs and willing to help where she can. For better or worse, afterwards I will be able to spend time with her regardless of the outcome of the auditions and then I will be whisked away to Heber City by Colin to watch Les Mis and if I remember correctly, grab a tasty bite! It will be a good day all in all I believe. Thanks for you support!
Ironically, next time I will tell you about what my dream job is and why!
What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
How does one really choose what the hardest thing is? They all look equally big or small depending on when they happened and how long they took to get over. Something that seemed hard at the time might not be such a big deal any more.
Other experiences are too personal to share on such a wide scale (although I admittedly only get 10-30 views on my blog posts) and are too close to other people's hearts to share so easily without the permission of the other party.
So I rephrase the above question as such:
What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced and are willing to share?
I would answer with "Life" but that seems to great a cop out. Therefore I will narrow it down to life after home. While at home, although the world didn't revolve around me, at least I knew there was someone I could go to within a few seconds thought to divulge my stories to. I always had a sibling who was willing to listen (a blessing that I seem to have taken for granted) and then there were my parents that as long as I made time and they weren't too busy, I could talk to them if I so desired. Every day I was reminded of my family's support through family prayer and family dinner. Thanks to Tommy, I never went a day without someone at least wanting to show affection (whether I allowed it or not was a different matter entirely... another thing I should have been nicer about).
Some may read this and say, "Just call them!" I don't find talking on the phone easy. I don't find it personal enough and it only seems to compound my longing to be there. The reason I like interacting with people is the expressions they make and the sounds of their voices left pure and clear, not muddled by miles upon miles of phone wire (although I am thankful for such when there is something that must be said immediately... such as Happy Birthday and other such oddments of celebratory speech).
It is so much less confusing when you can see their faces and hear their voices. Misunderstandings, though not completely improbable, are less frequent and if there is a misunderstanding it rarely snowballs up into anything bigger than a brief explanation and a hug of apology can't resolve.
I won't romanticize living at home too much, however, because now that I have had a taste of living on my own, there is only so much time I can devote to living with the family again. Not because I love them any less but merely because there is the new sense of independence that is instilled in my being and just the obvious fact that I move about in my life differently by myself than I am expected to do around the family. But it is very comforting to go back and visit (we have found that 2 weeks is just enough, one week being too short and 3 weeks... well, I'm just short of stir crazy by the end of it).
But the realization that comes with living on your own is that loneliness is easily found, solitude being answered more quickly even without being called for. I know I am never alone for God is with me but not being quite at that level of spirituality, I suppose, I still crave the companionship of friends and loved ones. This causes, and blesses, me to look forward with faith and hope that He will bless me with a family of my own one day that can take away the ache of loneliness and bring about the fulfillment that one can only experience when you finally put your knowledge of families and such into building one of your own.
So I guess the hardest experience I have ever known isn't summed up in "life after home" but in one word alone: loneliness. That is the hardest thing I have ever experienced and I have experienced it on many levels and planes especially in these past three years. Some are evident to any one who knows me on a friend level and others are only known to those whom I am compelled by the spirit to share with privately.
I am thankful for those people in my life who take a little time out of their busy schedules to alleviate this sometimes overwhelming loneliness. I am not one who enjoys pity but I do appreciate the understanding that some, often special, people have and who observe quietly before simply serving. I hope that I might become more like them so that my battles with loneliness will be fewer and farther in between.
Well, I have an audition for Disney in the morning and I am thankful to have a best friend who is mindful of my needs and willing to help where she can. For better or worse, afterwards I will be able to spend time with her regardless of the outcome of the auditions and then I will be whisked away to Heber City by Colin to watch Les Mis and if I remember correctly, grab a tasty bite! It will be a good day all in all I believe. Thanks for you support!
Ironically, next time I will tell you about what my dream job is and why!
18 October 2012
5 Happy Presents
Often we are told to "count [our] many blessings, name them one by one". How many of us cringe when we are told to do so? I am among those who would raise their hands in response to this question. Why? Because it's usually the signal that I am being ungrateful and completely selfish-- wanting more and more when really what I have right now is just perfect for me.
So what are the 5 things that make me happy? Not in the past or even in the future but right NOW? I just know that when I start listing them more will try to tumble forth from these typing fingers of mine but I will restrict myself to just 5:
1. Hugs. Hugs make me happy. They just have a way of giving me hope, I suppose, that there is always someone willing to give me that little support and show, even for a brief moment, that they care.
2. The weather. It is slowly becoming autumn, the hot chocolate is being passed around whilst we wear scarves and warm sweaters! Autumn is my absolute favorite and thus I can at least be happy about the weather.
3. Music makes me happy. Most particularly, the soundtrack to The Holiday which I ranted a little on just a few days ago. Hans Zimmer is a master composer and I absolutely love the feeling of discovery, joy and love that emanate from his music. You can feel the beats of the script within the music, you can feel Iris' decision to finally move on from Jasper and Amanda's joy as she rushes back to Graham's arms. My heart simply swells!
4. Spontaneity and planning! Spontaneous trips to IHOP at 1 am and the plans that involve returning home to see friends and simple trips to Heber City to watch a musical. I have always been a fan of having a mix of both the expected and unexpected and I seem to be bombarded with it from all sides as of late.
5. Acting. I can go to my class on Tuesdays and Thursdays in a thoroughly depressed or sour mood and come out of that two hour class with a completely new perspective on life. Self-discovery happens in just about every class, if not for myself then at least for the people I work with and it fills me with joy to know how close we are to each other and how we are slowly learning from one another and teaching one another and growing as actors, being approachable and tender and vulnerable. It's truly amazing and simply reinforces my love of the art.
Growing up has been quite the interesting experience. I learn something new about myself almost every day. Sometimes I share these discoveries and other times they are definitely my private and sacred revelations that are better kept to myself or between myself and God. How wonderful it is to have been sent here to learn and grow! To experience love, happiness and joy and even to experience the sadder moments of life that cause us to turn outward to see what it is that we can do for one another.
I know I don't serve nearly enough but at least I know this and work every day toward being a better servant in the Lord's plan. Admittedly I don't always succeed day in and day out. There are moments when I grumble and complain, murmur if you will, but it simply gives me more room to grow and the chance to experience more of this life.
For this I am grateful.
So what are the 5 things that make me happy? Not in the past or even in the future but right NOW? I just know that when I start listing them more will try to tumble forth from these typing fingers of mine but I will restrict myself to just 5:
1. Hugs. Hugs make me happy. They just have a way of giving me hope, I suppose, that there is always someone willing to give me that little support and show, even for a brief moment, that they care.
2. The weather. It is slowly becoming autumn, the hot chocolate is being passed around whilst we wear scarves and warm sweaters! Autumn is my absolute favorite and thus I can at least be happy about the weather.
3. Music makes me happy. Most particularly, the soundtrack to The Holiday which I ranted a little on just a few days ago. Hans Zimmer is a master composer and I absolutely love the feeling of discovery, joy and love that emanate from his music. You can feel the beats of the script within the music, you can feel Iris' decision to finally move on from Jasper and Amanda's joy as she rushes back to Graham's arms. My heart simply swells!
4. Spontaneity and planning! Spontaneous trips to IHOP at 1 am and the plans that involve returning home to see friends and simple trips to Heber City to watch a musical. I have always been a fan of having a mix of both the expected and unexpected and I seem to be bombarded with it from all sides as of late.
5. Acting. I can go to my class on Tuesdays and Thursdays in a thoroughly depressed or sour mood and come out of that two hour class with a completely new perspective on life. Self-discovery happens in just about every class, if not for myself then at least for the people I work with and it fills me with joy to know how close we are to each other and how we are slowly learning from one another and teaching one another and growing as actors, being approachable and tender and vulnerable. It's truly amazing and simply reinforces my love of the art.
Growing up has been quite the interesting experience. I learn something new about myself almost every day. Sometimes I share these discoveries and other times they are definitely my private and sacred revelations that are better kept to myself or between myself and God. How wonderful it is to have been sent here to learn and grow! To experience love, happiness and joy and even to experience the sadder moments of life that cause us to turn outward to see what it is that we can do for one another.
I know I don't serve nearly enough but at least I know this and work every day toward being a better servant in the Lord's plan. Admittedly I don't always succeed day in and day out. There are moments when I grumble and complain, murmur if you will, but it simply gives me more room to grow and the chance to experience more of this life.
For this I am grateful.
17 October 2012
Dear 16 Year-Old Self
I think we all come across those moments in our lives where we think, "If I had only known that sooner!" or, "If only someone would have told me to start this back then!" and sometimes, let's be honest, it might not have made any difference at all. Then again, it might have made all the difference in the world.
People often ask us the question, "If you could go back in time and do something differently, what would it be?" Of course those of us who have those brief moments of practical thinking answer with, "I wouldn't change anything," not because we sincerely wouldn't but because we know that it doesn't matter what we would have done if we could turn back time... because you just can't.
But it does raise an interesting train of thought, I suppose, when we are asked to consider this-- what are the top ten things you would tell your 16 year-old self if you could?:
1. Live with a tad more gumption!
2. Ask Mom and Dad more about their high school lives and how they prepared themselves for their future lives.
3. Come out of that shell you've built around yourself and make more friendships.
4. Learn how to talk to people even when you have absolutely nothing in common.
5. Don't fall off the bandwagon of scripture study and journal writing... I'm sure there are a few memories that have been lost in the process.
6. Take up more hobbies so once you hit college you have a better picture of what you would like to pursue in your studies.
7. Work harder at studying, even the subjects that come easily to you so that you understand what studying actually is (not just a contraction of students and dying...)
8. Take the time to learn more about cooking rather than spending all the time in the kitchen baking the same safe desserts all the time.
9. Don't hold on to the guy who has already written you off since the beginning.
10. Don't let everything get to you so much/effect your heart so negatively.
To be perfectly honest, to some people these might seem like common sense or even like they wouldn't matter much in the long run but looking at the last three years of my life, post-high school, I do tend to wonder what I could have done better to avoid some of the heart ache I've run head long into.
It is also odd because I don't see 16 as being that long ago... but it was nearly 6 years ago now. It is funny how when you're 16 you think that things are going to last forever, that the boy you were half in love with all through high school would finally come through for you like all the romantic comedies say, that the toughest thing you will ever have to face is a tie between losing touch with friends and your big Chemistry test.
Sure, there may still be some fire behind those subjects that you thought would always be the most important to you, but there are people I have lost touch with. There are tests that I have failed. But they aren't as important to me right now. I still have my family. We're still learning things about each other and will continue to do so from now into eternity. I'm still alive and although I make mistakes I can still learn from them and turn back to the path that I need to travel. And I find that I make new friends every day--some of them are made and they will stay on and others will pass away in the current of changing class schedules and even location.
I remember worrying about my popularity in school-- would I be the freshman, sophomore, or junior princess for Home Coming? And now... I just stick close with the friends I do make and am glad to find happiness and make memories with them. Within the last three years, there have been a few young men to cross my path. Some I have shared feelings that at the very least border-lined love and others I haven't cared much for at all. Fewer still, still have a portion of my love and care and others I hardly think of except on the off chance that my past "experience" comes up in conversation.
Every person who has touched my life since I was 16 has given me either insight into my own heart, the hearts of others, or life long lessons that I will one day share with my husband and then with my children as the need arises. Some have truly built me up. Others have broken me down and forced me to rebuild, always becoming even better than I was when I came across them.
I can only hope that something that I said or did touched their hearts in one way or another and encouraged them to be better people because of it.
How much of an affect do we really have on people? Chances are, for most of them, we will never know and might not even be able to fathom in a million years.
I guess in a real exploration of these topics I come down to this-- what is the one thing I would tell my 16 year-old self if I could?
Make a difference. Touch the lives of those around you. Give them someone to trust. Give them something to cling to when they think all else is lost. Love them. Show them compassion. Don't be afraid to let people know how you feel. Be sure of yourself and don't let anyone tell you that you're worthless and your actions won't make an impression on anyone. Keep on smiling. You never know what difference it will make in their life.
People often ask us the question, "If you could go back in time and do something differently, what would it be?" Of course those of us who have those brief moments of practical thinking answer with, "I wouldn't change anything," not because we sincerely wouldn't but because we know that it doesn't matter what we would have done if we could turn back time... because you just can't.
But it does raise an interesting train of thought, I suppose, when we are asked to consider this-- what are the top ten things you would tell your 16 year-old self if you could?:
1. Live with a tad more gumption!
2. Ask Mom and Dad more about their high school lives and how they prepared themselves for their future lives.
3. Come out of that shell you've built around yourself and make more friendships.
4. Learn how to talk to people even when you have absolutely nothing in common.
5. Don't fall off the bandwagon of scripture study and journal writing... I'm sure there are a few memories that have been lost in the process.
6. Take up more hobbies so once you hit college you have a better picture of what you would like to pursue in your studies.
7. Work harder at studying, even the subjects that come easily to you so that you understand what studying actually is (not just a contraction of students and dying...)
8. Take the time to learn more about cooking rather than spending all the time in the kitchen baking the same safe desserts all the time.
9. Don't hold on to the guy who has already written you off since the beginning.
10. Don't let everything get to you so much/effect your heart so negatively.
To be perfectly honest, to some people these might seem like common sense or even like they wouldn't matter much in the long run but looking at the last three years of my life, post-high school, I do tend to wonder what I could have done better to avoid some of the heart ache I've run head long into.
It is also odd because I don't see 16 as being that long ago... but it was nearly 6 years ago now. It is funny how when you're 16 you think that things are going to last forever, that the boy you were half in love with all through high school would finally come through for you like all the romantic comedies say, that the toughest thing you will ever have to face is a tie between losing touch with friends and your big Chemistry test.
Sure, there may still be some fire behind those subjects that you thought would always be the most important to you, but there are people I have lost touch with. There are tests that I have failed. But they aren't as important to me right now. I still have my family. We're still learning things about each other and will continue to do so from now into eternity. I'm still alive and although I make mistakes I can still learn from them and turn back to the path that I need to travel. And I find that I make new friends every day--some of them are made and they will stay on and others will pass away in the current of changing class schedules and even location.
I remember worrying about my popularity in school-- would I be the freshman, sophomore, or junior princess for Home Coming? And now... I just stick close with the friends I do make and am glad to find happiness and make memories with them. Within the last three years, there have been a few young men to cross my path. Some I have shared feelings that at the very least border-lined love and others I haven't cared much for at all. Fewer still, still have a portion of my love and care and others I hardly think of except on the off chance that my past "experience" comes up in conversation.
Every person who has touched my life since I was 16 has given me either insight into my own heart, the hearts of others, or life long lessons that I will one day share with my husband and then with my children as the need arises. Some have truly built me up. Others have broken me down and forced me to rebuild, always becoming even better than I was when I came across them.
I can only hope that something that I said or did touched their hearts in one way or another and encouraged them to be better people because of it.
How much of an affect do we really have on people? Chances are, for most of them, we will never know and might not even be able to fathom in a million years.
I guess in a real exploration of these topics I come down to this-- what is the one thing I would tell my 16 year-old self if I could?
Make a difference. Touch the lives of those around you. Give them someone to trust. Give them something to cling to when they think all else is lost. Love them. Show them compassion. Don't be afraid to let people know how you feel. Be sure of yourself and don't let anyone tell you that you're worthless and your actions won't make an impression on anyone. Keep on smiling. You never know what difference it will make in their life.
16 October 2012
Anything Can Happen...
I watched The Holiday for the first time last night and then watched it again this afternoon around going to my acting class. What a wonderful movie! It truly is inspiring, I think, and reaffirms that things don't always work out the way we expect them to especially in regards to the love front.
Sometimes we find ourselves so wrapped up in loving someone and being stuck in an unrequited love that we almost miss the chances at true love that are staring us in the face. Things happen to us that totally strip us bare and break us apart and we just need to stand up after giving ourselves a little down time and look life bravely in the face once more and try again.
It is hard to do, I know, but it isn't impossible. I will admit to still having a prick of feeling in my heart when I come into contact with those men that I have loved and feel I will more than likely continue to love until the end of time. But I find joy in my day elsewhere, in the things I accomplish, in my acting, through my love of music and passion for the cinema.
The other evening while I was at work (custodial at a library for those of you who don't know) I was going through my mind and singing aloud whatever song came to the surface. A Primary hymn filled my mind and I quickly grasped it and started to sing.
"Whenever I hear the song of a bird
Or look at the blue, blue sky,
Whenever I feel the rain on my face
Or the wind as it rushes by,
Whenever I touch a velvet rose
Or walk by a lilac tree
I'm glad that I live in the beautiful world
Heavenly Father created for me."
I am so blessed that I have eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart to feel. I may see things that are painful, I may hear words that break my heart, and my heart may feel as though it would explode at any moment because of the sadness I feel but there are so many things to see, hear and feel that are lovely and kind and warm that it definitely tips the scale toward the positive.
I am thankful for those things that are not as pleasant as I would like them to be because they help me to appreciate the good in the world.
Even the relationship I have with my parents helps me to see through the day the good and bad that may come my way. And that is the 3rd of the 30 Things that I am to share with you.
Describe your relationship with your parents:
My parents and I have a rather intricate relationship. I will not make it seem like it is all roses. We have our misunderstandings and feuds and such. We have definitely been butting heads a lot more now that I am out in the world than when I was at home, ironically enough. In their desire to see me succeed, they look for a lot more communication of those things that go on in my daily life than I ever really shared with them when I was at home. I was pretty quiet while living with them, going about my days without too much depth of conversation unless something came up that I felt I just couldn't handle by myself.
There were many times where I would ask my father for a blessing when I felt too sick, physically or in my heart, to continue. He was my support in such things that required a person who would simply sit with you. I didn't ask for much advice from him growing up but I knew he was there if I needed him. Took it for granted even.
My mother is who I went to whenever I had guy problems. Pretty standard really. Whenever I needed advice on friends, I also turned to my mom. I always felt she knew what I needed to hear and had adequate "experience" in that area so that I could be sure that she knew what she was talking about. I took it for granted that conversing with her would always be as easy and non-complicated as this.
Upon moving out to school (for the second time, mind you) things went a little south. The first couple of months weren't too bad. My parents were covering rent for me and with my part time job and the work I had done for the last year and a half, I lived quite comfortably. However, summer came and the probation of my parents paying for my rent came to an end and I was looking for a new job or at least a second part time job.
It didn't pan out the way I had hoped (and definitely not as my parents felt it should have). The beginning of this month came quickly and suddenly, rent was due and payday wasn't until the last day of rent without late fees... in my desperation to be sure I would not be sunk, I asked my parents for a little extra help so that I would have a cushion, promising that I would pay them back as soon as I possibly could.
Guns were out and misunderstanding was fully underway as I felt rather attacked by some communication from my mother that perfectly illustrated their disappointment with my progress in life. Being highly provoked, I shot back with my own email signing myself off with my parents if need be. It was a long email and I couldn't be sure if all my feeling was accurately transferred into the words. Within 24 hours, I received an equally long response from my mom.
I felt as though we had finally understood one another until the ending thoughts of her email. She opened up to me and spoke of her earlier years, post-parents-divorce and more or less, pre-Les-Schwab work. It was safe to say I had never heard of these struggles. It gave me more appreciation for the way my parents worry about me. Our ordeals aren't exactly the same. We both understand that. There are still things that I feel prickly about (I think we all have those little qualms at the very least) but I do wish such stories had been shared with me earlier in life.
I understand how hard it is to relate such details of one's life to others, especially those that we love. I don't like relating the more painful and delicate details of my life to my family because I want their unconditional love without the possibility of them changing their views to drastically because of pot holes I have stepped into and misjudgements that I have made.
However, at the very least, when they are ready, just a little bit at a time I will open up to them so they know I know what I am talking about. If they still don't listen to me, at least they will know my pain and why I don't want them to go through the same harshness that I have come face to face with.
I love my parents. I know our misunderstandings over the past couple years aren't all their fault or all mine. But as each child is different, so are the dynamics of your relationships with your children. Of course, that doesn't mean you love one more or less than the others but the way you handle and talk and teach them tends to be different. I know, I know. I am no authority on child-rearing, but I have been watching and taking careful mental notes on what I would like to keep from my parents and the parents around me for my own family and what things I would like to completely change or throw out the window.
I know at the end of the day that my parents love me it is simply hard to see at times, just like it is hard to see how Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us from day to day--especially on those days that we feel the most alone and cry out for a hand to hold and someone to tell us that tomorrow will be a better and brighter day as long as we proceed from now with hope and a love of the life we have.
We need to be constantly striving to improve ourselves and whenever we fall off the band wagon, we must find a way to get back on. Now and again, we need someone above us to give us a lift up by the hand, someone to guide us back to the fold so that one day we will be the ones to help others who have fallen and strayed.
I sincerely hope that here in the next few months that my relationship with my parents can grow to a sturdier and surer bond. That we might share our thoughts with love and tender compassion so that we no longer have to walk in the dark on toward the future on our own. I do not want to be left alone.
I have been reading this book lately, however, that reminded me that I must learn to be independent before I can be truly interdependent. To think of others and act more selflessly. For that is when I will be the most deserving of the Lord's blessing and the companionship that I hope to share in one day with the man the Lord has prepared for me. However, during this walk toward self-improvement, I find a need to continue being happy and content in the now. For you cannot wait, as President Dieter F. Uchtdorf says, for the end of the journey to enjoy the road that leads up to it. So here I am. Looking to enjoy the journey, look forward with hope, and learn to be content in and of myself.
Sometimes we find ourselves so wrapped up in loving someone and being stuck in an unrequited love that we almost miss the chances at true love that are staring us in the face. Things happen to us that totally strip us bare and break us apart and we just need to stand up after giving ourselves a little down time and look life bravely in the face once more and try again.
It is hard to do, I know, but it isn't impossible. I will admit to still having a prick of feeling in my heart when I come into contact with those men that I have loved and feel I will more than likely continue to love until the end of time. But I find joy in my day elsewhere, in the things I accomplish, in my acting, through my love of music and passion for the cinema.
The other evening while I was at work (custodial at a library for those of you who don't know) I was going through my mind and singing aloud whatever song came to the surface. A Primary hymn filled my mind and I quickly grasped it and started to sing.
"Whenever I hear the song of a bird
Or look at the blue, blue sky,
Whenever I feel the rain on my face
Or the wind as it rushes by,
Whenever I touch a velvet rose
Or walk by a lilac tree
I'm glad that I live in the beautiful world
Heavenly Father created for me."
I am so blessed that I have eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart to feel. I may see things that are painful, I may hear words that break my heart, and my heart may feel as though it would explode at any moment because of the sadness I feel but there are so many things to see, hear and feel that are lovely and kind and warm that it definitely tips the scale toward the positive.
I am thankful for those things that are not as pleasant as I would like them to be because they help me to appreciate the good in the world.
Even the relationship I have with my parents helps me to see through the day the good and bad that may come my way. And that is the 3rd of the 30 Things that I am to share with you.
Describe your relationship with your parents:
My parents and I have a rather intricate relationship. I will not make it seem like it is all roses. We have our misunderstandings and feuds and such. We have definitely been butting heads a lot more now that I am out in the world than when I was at home, ironically enough. In their desire to see me succeed, they look for a lot more communication of those things that go on in my daily life than I ever really shared with them when I was at home. I was pretty quiet while living with them, going about my days without too much depth of conversation unless something came up that I felt I just couldn't handle by myself.
There were many times where I would ask my father for a blessing when I felt too sick, physically or in my heart, to continue. He was my support in such things that required a person who would simply sit with you. I didn't ask for much advice from him growing up but I knew he was there if I needed him. Took it for granted even.
My mother is who I went to whenever I had guy problems. Pretty standard really. Whenever I needed advice on friends, I also turned to my mom. I always felt she knew what I needed to hear and had adequate "experience" in that area so that I could be sure that she knew what she was talking about. I took it for granted that conversing with her would always be as easy and non-complicated as this.
Upon moving out to school (for the second time, mind you) things went a little south. The first couple of months weren't too bad. My parents were covering rent for me and with my part time job and the work I had done for the last year and a half, I lived quite comfortably. However, summer came and the probation of my parents paying for my rent came to an end and I was looking for a new job or at least a second part time job.
It didn't pan out the way I had hoped (and definitely not as my parents felt it should have). The beginning of this month came quickly and suddenly, rent was due and payday wasn't until the last day of rent without late fees... in my desperation to be sure I would not be sunk, I asked my parents for a little extra help so that I would have a cushion, promising that I would pay them back as soon as I possibly could.
Guns were out and misunderstanding was fully underway as I felt rather attacked by some communication from my mother that perfectly illustrated their disappointment with my progress in life. Being highly provoked, I shot back with my own email signing myself off with my parents if need be. It was a long email and I couldn't be sure if all my feeling was accurately transferred into the words. Within 24 hours, I received an equally long response from my mom.
I felt as though we had finally understood one another until the ending thoughts of her email. She opened up to me and spoke of her earlier years, post-parents-divorce and more or less, pre-Les-Schwab work. It was safe to say I had never heard of these struggles. It gave me more appreciation for the way my parents worry about me. Our ordeals aren't exactly the same. We both understand that. There are still things that I feel prickly about (I think we all have those little qualms at the very least) but I do wish such stories had been shared with me earlier in life.
I understand how hard it is to relate such details of one's life to others, especially those that we love. I don't like relating the more painful and delicate details of my life to my family because I want their unconditional love without the possibility of them changing their views to drastically because of pot holes I have stepped into and misjudgements that I have made.
However, at the very least, when they are ready, just a little bit at a time I will open up to them so they know I know what I am talking about. If they still don't listen to me, at least they will know my pain and why I don't want them to go through the same harshness that I have come face to face with.
I love my parents. I know our misunderstandings over the past couple years aren't all their fault or all mine. But as each child is different, so are the dynamics of your relationships with your children. Of course, that doesn't mean you love one more or less than the others but the way you handle and talk and teach them tends to be different. I know, I know. I am no authority on child-rearing, but I have been watching and taking careful mental notes on what I would like to keep from my parents and the parents around me for my own family and what things I would like to completely change or throw out the window.
I know at the end of the day that my parents love me it is simply hard to see at times, just like it is hard to see how Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us from day to day--especially on those days that we feel the most alone and cry out for a hand to hold and someone to tell us that tomorrow will be a better and brighter day as long as we proceed from now with hope and a love of the life we have.
We need to be constantly striving to improve ourselves and whenever we fall off the band wagon, we must find a way to get back on. Now and again, we need someone above us to give us a lift up by the hand, someone to guide us back to the fold so that one day we will be the ones to help others who have fallen and strayed.
I sincerely hope that here in the next few months that my relationship with my parents can grow to a sturdier and surer bond. That we might share our thoughts with love and tender compassion so that we no longer have to walk in the dark on toward the future on our own. I do not want to be left alone.
I have been reading this book lately, however, that reminded me that I must learn to be independent before I can be truly interdependent. To think of others and act more selflessly. For that is when I will be the most deserving of the Lord's blessing and the companionship that I hope to share in one day with the man the Lord has prepared for me. However, during this walk toward self-improvement, I find a need to continue being happy and content in the now. For you cannot wait, as President Dieter F. Uchtdorf says, for the end of the journey to enjoy the road that leads up to it. So here I am. Looking to enjoy the journey, look forward with hope, and learn to be content in and of myself.
15 October 2012
So, as Monday looms I choose to sit at my laptop and write about the second of thirty things that I am going to share. What is that? ask those who have not read my last (and first) entry. Oh, well let me tell you.
Describe three legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears (not listed in any particular order):
Fear #1- I am afraid of passing semi-trucks in bad weather. The reason for this fear is easily traceable to just around my 8th birthday. My family of 6 (Mom was pregnant with the youngest at the time, I believe) was on a road trip from the Eastern Oregon and Idaho border after visiting some cousins. As we were driving along, it was snowing and all was going well while Mom read aloud to us. Out of nowhere, a semi loomed out of the storm, parked in the middle of the road. Dad had little time to react and slamming on the brakes showed just how icy the road was. We rear-ended the vehicle and the next thing I knew, the car had started to cool inside and all the kids were crying while my parents tried to figure out what to do. I ended up with quite the lovely battle wound above my right eye (where all my headaches now seem to concentrate) and it was the worst of the group. Jerry was pretty certain I was going to die.
Fear #2- I am afraid of ending up alone. It is strangely legitimate in my mind although many people continue to assure me that I will come across someone who will keep me. I suppose the trigger of this fear is because of all the "almost" relationships that I have been through (almost meaning I have experienced many of what people would term "friends with benefits") and having been in such situations where the guy simply would not commit does not paint a very tender picture toward any interaction between me and men when it goes past just being part of the group and being ridiculous. It has hurt me just a few more times than common sense should allow. Lastly, I have had a boyfriend before. I felt all was going well and that the relationship was headed in the most positive of directions... for just over a month. Unfortunately it had to come to an end before I was ready for it to and here I am trying to "be patient and keep the faith" that the right man will come along for me in the end but patience is a tricky thing...
Fear #3- Lastly (but not the least of my fears) I am afraid of myself. This has come out of my failures and the disappointment that I have felt from myself and other sources. I fear the choices that I make even when I feel good about them because I don't know who I will be after the consequences. I know of my weaknesses and also of my desires that could be for good but if pursued in the wrong way could lead to the not so bright paths that my soul cries out and longs for. I cannot see all ends which of course is how it is for everyone but I do wish I believed in myself a little more than I do. It does not matter how many people tell me I am smart, beautiful, and talented if I cannot get over my own stumbling block and start believing these things, truly and deeply, about myself. It reminds me of Michael McLean's song that says, "...if only you believe in yourself, you won't be scared..."
I realize now that I have admitted these fears that the next step is to get past them and grow bigger than they tend to seem. I know I will eventually mature enough to see past them and continue to live my life (whether it be alone or married, whether I "get the gold" or crash the ship, and passing those semi-trucks [safely] to get home at a good pace) but until then, these are my fears among others (such as wolves hiding under my bed, being sneaked up on in the dark, getting hospitalized for sickness, just to name a few).
Here's to growing up, huh?
Speaking of growing up, I am still waiting to hear from Disney (the place where you should never grow up, not really) to see if I will be an intern this next year of 2013. I will be attending an audition for characters on Friday (probably having to ride the TRAX... ick...) but regardless of how that turns out, I have a date that same night with my good friend Colin. We'll be watching Les Miserables as put on by his old high school then enjoying some good burgers and fries (or so I have been told).
Not much happened this past weekend to be honest but after next weekend I will surely have more to say! Although, I do plan on doing another entry before Friday. We will see how my time sifts I suppose.
Tune in next time to be in the know about how I would describe my relationship with my parents.
Love Much
Cassidy
Describe three legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears (not listed in any particular order):
Fear #1- I am afraid of passing semi-trucks in bad weather. The reason for this fear is easily traceable to just around my 8th birthday. My family of 6 (Mom was pregnant with the youngest at the time, I believe) was on a road trip from the Eastern Oregon and Idaho border after visiting some cousins. As we were driving along, it was snowing and all was going well while Mom read aloud to us. Out of nowhere, a semi loomed out of the storm, parked in the middle of the road. Dad had little time to react and slamming on the brakes showed just how icy the road was. We rear-ended the vehicle and the next thing I knew, the car had started to cool inside and all the kids were crying while my parents tried to figure out what to do. I ended up with quite the lovely battle wound above my right eye (where all my headaches now seem to concentrate) and it was the worst of the group. Jerry was pretty certain I was going to die.
Fear #2- I am afraid of ending up alone. It is strangely legitimate in my mind although many people continue to assure me that I will come across someone who will keep me. I suppose the trigger of this fear is because of all the "almost" relationships that I have been through (almost meaning I have experienced many of what people would term "friends with benefits") and having been in such situations where the guy simply would not commit does not paint a very tender picture toward any interaction between me and men when it goes past just being part of the group and being ridiculous. It has hurt me just a few more times than common sense should allow. Lastly, I have had a boyfriend before. I felt all was going well and that the relationship was headed in the most positive of directions... for just over a month. Unfortunately it had to come to an end before I was ready for it to and here I am trying to "be patient and keep the faith" that the right man will come along for me in the end but patience is a tricky thing...
Fear #3- Lastly (but not the least of my fears) I am afraid of myself. This has come out of my failures and the disappointment that I have felt from myself and other sources. I fear the choices that I make even when I feel good about them because I don't know who I will be after the consequences. I know of my weaknesses and also of my desires that could be for good but if pursued in the wrong way could lead to the not so bright paths that my soul cries out and longs for. I cannot see all ends which of course is how it is for everyone but I do wish I believed in myself a little more than I do. It does not matter how many people tell me I am smart, beautiful, and talented if I cannot get over my own stumbling block and start believing these things, truly and deeply, about myself. It reminds me of Michael McLean's song that says, "...if only you believe in yourself, you won't be scared..."
I realize now that I have admitted these fears that the next step is to get past them and grow bigger than they tend to seem. I know I will eventually mature enough to see past them and continue to live my life (whether it be alone or married, whether I "get the gold" or crash the ship, and passing those semi-trucks [safely] to get home at a good pace) but until then, these are my fears among others (such as wolves hiding under my bed, being sneaked up on in the dark, getting hospitalized for sickness, just to name a few).
Here's to growing up, huh?
Speaking of growing up, I am still waiting to hear from Disney (the place where you should never grow up, not really) to see if I will be an intern this next year of 2013. I will be attending an audition for characters on Friday (probably having to ride the TRAX... ick...) but regardless of how that turns out, I have a date that same night with my good friend Colin. We'll be watching Les Miserables as put on by his old high school then enjoying some good burgers and fries (or so I have been told).
Not much happened this past weekend to be honest but after next weekend I will surely have more to say! Although, I do plan on doing another entry before Friday. We will see how my time sifts I suppose.
Tune in next time to be in the know about how I would describe my relationship with my parents.
Love Much
Cassidy
12 October 2012
No, It's a Perfect Beginning
Welcome!
This is my new blog. Why a new blog, you ask? Simply put, this blog is linked to my gmail account and thus easier to click over to and such other "practical" things as that.
As the time goes by I also hope to figure out how to make this blog look completely suited and tailored toward me but until then... enjoy the daisies.
To start this blog, I have thought it a particularly neat idea (found through pinterest on http://cherishinghopesanddreams.blogspot.com/2012/01/30-things.html) to just to let you get to know me and even for me to discover myself a little more fully. Number one on the "30 Things" list is this:
List 20 random facts about yourself.
1. I absolutely love Nutella and refer to it as the college student's gold.
2. I am an avid lover of theater in general but prefer to be in musicals.
3. If I could choose a famous singer to perform with, I would choose David Archuleta.
4. I am the second oldest of five kids, the first girl.
5. I am shorter than three of my five siblings.
6. My absolute favorite pizza would have to be a simple pepperoni with olives.
7. Rainy weather is my favorite but I do need a break for sunlight now and again.
8. I tend to "come in second" with the guys I like but part of this is greatly due to my encouragement of their interest in other girls. (I will know I have found "the one" when he doesn't heed my advice and stays close to me instead. Haha!)
9. I love to dance! Waltz is my favorite style.
10. I admit it. I enjoy the random Korean/Japanese drama/singer.
11. The only mushroom you will ever see me eat is a chanterelle mushroom.
12. I have started nearly 20 different story lines.
13. The longest of these is around 100 typed pages long.
14. I am a hopeless romantic.
15. My favorite role I have ever acted out would have to be Mary, mother of Christ.
16. I dream of playing Belle.
17. Most of my dreams have me flying at some point or another.
18. If I had the means, I would probably wear dresses every day.
19. I wear the same necklace (a heart), earrings (cubic zirconium?), and ring (CTR- choose the right) every day.
20. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
It rained here in Provo today. Long and hard. However, I think it may have stopped for the night. Of course, that isn't my hope, but you can never really depend on the weather around here. You can have rain, snow and hot sunlight all within an hour. Must be mood-swings or something. But it was greatly appreciated that it stayed cold and wet, at least by myself and few other Oregonian/Washington State citizens.
It cleared up a little so I could walk up to campus (how considerate!) for my friend's play reading. Apparently he has been working on this particular piece for a couple months now, writing and revising and getting it critiqued and attacking the dragon once more. It was quite the experience and we will get to hear it read aloud again in a few weeks time so I definitely look forward to it then.
I still haven't heard from Disney as of yet (for I am attempting to get a paid-internship there with their college program for next semester plus Spring and Summer terms) but hopefully I will know either way in the next couple of days or so.
Well, I think I am going to try to find something to eat. We'll see what this college student has, neh?
My next entry will address my fears and how they became just that... fears. Until then!
Cassidy
P.S. You can go here http://eperteildubbioelacertezza.blogspot.com/ if you care to know what has lead up to this blog.
This is my new blog. Why a new blog, you ask? Simply put, this blog is linked to my gmail account and thus easier to click over to and such other "practical" things as that.
As the time goes by I also hope to figure out how to make this blog look completely suited and tailored toward me but until then... enjoy the daisies.
To start this blog, I have thought it a particularly neat idea (found through pinterest on http://cherishinghopesanddreams.blogspot.com/2012/01/30-things.html) to just to let you get to know me and even for me to discover myself a little more fully. Number one on the "30 Things" list is this:
List 20 random facts about yourself.
1. I absolutely love Nutella and refer to it as the college student's gold.
2. I am an avid lover of theater in general but prefer to be in musicals.
3. If I could choose a famous singer to perform with, I would choose David Archuleta.
4. I am the second oldest of five kids, the first girl.
5. I am shorter than three of my five siblings.
6. My absolute favorite pizza would have to be a simple pepperoni with olives.
7. Rainy weather is my favorite but I do need a break for sunlight now and again.
8. I tend to "come in second" with the guys I like but part of this is greatly due to my encouragement of their interest in other girls. (I will know I have found "the one" when he doesn't heed my advice and stays close to me instead. Haha!)
9. I love to dance! Waltz is my favorite style.
10. I admit it. I enjoy the random Korean/Japanese drama/singer.
11. The only mushroom you will ever see me eat is a chanterelle mushroom.
12. I have started nearly 20 different story lines.
13. The longest of these is around 100 typed pages long.
14. I am a hopeless romantic.
15. My favorite role I have ever acted out would have to be Mary, mother of Christ.
16. I dream of playing Belle.
17. Most of my dreams have me flying at some point or another.
18. If I had the means, I would probably wear dresses every day.
19. I wear the same necklace (a heart), earrings (cubic zirconium?), and ring (CTR- choose the right) every day.
20. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
It rained here in Provo today. Long and hard. However, I think it may have stopped for the night. Of course, that isn't my hope, but you can never really depend on the weather around here. You can have rain, snow and hot sunlight all within an hour. Must be mood-swings or something. But it was greatly appreciated that it stayed cold and wet, at least by myself and few other Oregonian/Washington State citizens.
It cleared up a little so I could walk up to campus (how considerate!) for my friend's play reading. Apparently he has been working on this particular piece for a couple months now, writing and revising and getting it critiqued and attacking the dragon once more. It was quite the experience and we will get to hear it read aloud again in a few weeks time so I definitely look forward to it then.
I still haven't heard from Disney as of yet (for I am attempting to get a paid-internship there with their college program for next semester plus Spring and Summer terms) but hopefully I will know either way in the next couple of days or so.
Well, I think I am going to try to find something to eat. We'll see what this college student has, neh?
My next entry will address my fears and how they became just that... fears. Until then!
Cassidy
P.S. You can go here http://eperteildubbioelacertezza.blogspot.com/ if you care to know what has lead up to this blog.
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