I am no stranger to being complimented on my looks. I am thankful, too, when people bring it up in casual conversation. Not because it gives me a boost to vain pride but because it keeps my head from getting lost in the compliments of strangers. In all honesty, when I see an attractive face I will usually remark on it oftener than not straight to the person's face but in so doing I don't expect them to trip over themselves and give me all of their attention--just as when a stranger comes up to me and compliments me they had better not assume they have me in the palm of their hand from that moment forward.
So you may ask why I have brought up the subject of prettiness... well, I will tell you.
Most women (if not all, depending on circumstances) grow up being told how beautiful they are and how men won't be able to resist them. I myself on occasion have told young girls the same. Recently I have come to regard this as a rather dangerous thing to do unless it is also balanced with complimenting her on how smart she is, etc.
We have been taught to take, "She has a great personality!" as being an insult! Why does having a great personality have to negate any possibility of her being pretty?
Personally, I loop being intelligent together with having a great personality (at least in reference to myself because, let's face it, a lot of my personality comes from my intelligence--the other parts coming from my perception of life and my love and appreciation of the smaller things in life).
The sad thing is, however, that when people recommend you to others, we usually start with something along the lines of, "Oh, they're really attractive," and thus our interest is piqued and we ask for more information. (Don't get me wrong, if I don't find the person at least a little physically attractive I have a hard time pursuing them past a first date.) But why is it, that even after we're given the rest of the information (sometimes hearing something that doesn't even begin to sit well with us) we're willing to go with it because they're attractive?
Maybe it's too ambitious, but I am looking for the whole package. I'm looking for the intelligent personality with the attractive face--if they have musical/dancing talent that is a PLUS but it's not a MUST.
This leads us to my question: what makes a person not the right "fit" for you?
I have lost count of how many times men have said goodbye with the words, "You're beautiful! You're a wonderful girl and I'm mad to be saying this but.... you just don't fit."
Fit. Fit? What does that even mean? What part of me is "too much"? What part of me is "too little"? What standard are you holding up to me and saying, "Nah, this one's no good. Toss her back with the other fish."
Why do we feel the need to qualify that the person is "beautiful", "pretty", "wonderful", "gorgeous", then follow it up with "but not for me"?
I will always be grateful for the honesty when I ask point blank, "Do you see us going anywhere?"
But, good gracious, won't it be a balm on my soul when someone says, "Well, you're beautiful...wonderful... and you're smart--and everything I've ever wanted and will want for the rest of our lives."
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