Of course. Yesterday, I woke up to a cold. How very delightful.
The funny thing is, I did not see it coming although after talking to my friend Draco, I probably could have foreseen it. Apparently, when he is about to have a cold, he has a day where his nose itches all day or he sneezes incessantly. Well, I didn't sneeze incessantly but two days before my nose started itching all the time. And BING I have a cold. Curse the luck...
Anyway, at least I only had one day of work left before the weekend so I have a bit until I have to be back around the chemicals that merely irritate my nose. Yay for that!
Moving on. In this particular blog post, the main subject is forgiveness. Such a big topic.
The prompt is this-- What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
Some people say "forgive and forget". Well, I don't know about you, but when someone does something to me that is as life changing as what was done to me, you don't just "forget", nor do you forget the person even if they haven't been anywhere near you for years. However, in the words of Lewis B. Smedes, "You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well."
I suppose I should take a few steps back. There was a young man I met a few years ago. He was exciting and new and, dare I say it, even a little dangerous. My young naive heart believed that perhaps I could tame this creature and give him the love that he needed to heal from the past wrongs of people he had known who had shaped him into the person he had become.
We spent hours at a time talking to one another, getting to know each other in such depth that I truly thought that I at least could sympathize and understand him properly. A little time passed and he kissed me. My first kiss. It was nothing like I had been told it would be. I wasn't elated. I felt wounded. I cried for the rest of the night until I fell asleep. We had been texting until I had fallen asleep and so the next morning he asked if I needed him. Not knowing where else to turn for such quick and understanding comfort (of course God wasn't crossing my mind at this point), I asked him if he would come.
He took off from work and came straight to my apartment. He held me close, comforting me and telling me the next kiss would be better. I fell for it. We often took naps on the couch in my small apartment complex and each time he would leave I would feel completely depressed. Why? Because in the back of my mind and the depths of my heart, I knew he had once again left without promising himself to me. He was still free to do whatever he wanted and kiss whomever he pleased. And I am sure he did.
This "relationship" was twisted. Toxic. And I continued to believe it was simply how it had to be until he finally saw the light and decided to ask me to be his girlfriend. It never happened.
He asked me to come to him after not hearing from him for two weeks. My natural side had felt as though it had been forced into a drought for those two weeks and I felt if I could simply see him then all would be well and I could continue on my way. I had also believed, while those two weeks had passed, that we had reverted to simply being friends. Little did I know what his true motive in luring me to his side was.
I should have run at the first kiss. I did tell him I hadn't expected him to kiss me. He knew the words to say. If I didn't want him to kiss me then I could just leave. The words hurt and I refused the doorway out of the situation.
Thankfully, before the end, the Spirit made one last ditch effort to bring me to my senses. I was saved from the end result that I had promised myself my whole life that I would never reach but because of my decisions, I was not spared the pain.
We parted and he acted as though we had never met. To this day, I still haven't talked to him. I stayed away from the temple for the larger part of two years. I punished myself for our mistake. Somewhere in those years, I finally forgave him. I have taken from the experience many lessons that have made me a stronger person.
But I have not forgotten. And I will never forget until I no longer have to worry about making the same mistakes that led up to that most critical of decisive moments. The Lord as my strength, I will be better for it and continue to grow.
Two more quotes that I liked/found humorous are below. Tune in next time to read about where I would choose to live if I could live anywhere and why!
Forgiveness is the final form of love. -Reinhold Niebuhr
When women love us, the forgive us for everything, even our crimes; when they do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtues. -Honore de Balzac
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