Something I Feel Strongly About...

In my last post, I mentioned that I would be working off a list of 30 topics that I found on Pinterest to jump start my blogging again for a blog that updates on a more regular basis.

Subject number two is as follows:

Something You Feel Strongly About--

Well, I feel strongly about a great number of things but I will try and restrict myself to one (perhaps a couple... we'll see how fired up I get, I suppose).

I will start by saying this... why must we always end up hurting each other? The Dalai Lama is quoted as saying, "If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." How can you know what you will do will harm a person?
I often find that when we think we are doing the most good for another person, that is when we hurt them the most. Sometimes you say something thinking it good and sound advice, or that it is a compliment when the person receiving it might be in the throes of a battle greater than you could ever begin to understand and instead of helping them, it harms them. It releases a beautiful looking glass, so to speak, of what you see in them, the reflection that you perceive of them, but the looking glass gets caught up in the whirlwind and storms and shatters against their perception of reality at the given time. The shards are then catapulted at high velocities into their eyes, minds, and hearts.
I will use personal examples because they are the only things that are truly mine to share. Now, understand that I realize in my more sensible and sound mental state that what is being said or done is said or done by those around me with the thought to do good. But I am not currently in the soundest state of mind that I would like to be or have been in the past or will be in the future.

Example #1
A few days ago, a dear friend of mine made the decision that they should, essentially, ignore me for a while so that, in their understanding, I would realize that I was being too dependent on that person and to encourage, no, force me to depend on myself. Where this would usually be a healthy idea and kind of the person what did my warped senses perceive it as?
I saw it as them calling me clingy and weak. That I was forcing my company upon them when they "clearly" did not want me anywhere near them. This being the same friend who told me they loved me and would be there if ever I needed someone to talk to. This friend is somewhat of a kindred spirit in my eyes, someone who has been through hell and back again--who I saw as someone who might be able to lift me up when I'm down. Heaven knows I have had my share of downswings as of late but how was I to know how selfish I was being?
I have poured my heart out to them a number of times--but they have problems of their own. Struggles of their own. And I try to lay to much on their shoulders in hopes of lightening my own load.

Example #2
Another even dearer friend of mine felt it their duty to tell me all of the good points they saw in me--the parts of me that they wished to emulate in their own lives.
I ask you to understand for a moment that I am not seeing myself in the light. No. In fact, it is rather dark where I am. And the idea that there could be any beauty in me when all is said and done, once I finally emerge from the darkness that has encompassed me these last few months, is beyond my ken--something I yearn for, ache for... but as of the moment, my whole being refuses to see it. And in this pain is inflicted. Further pain is inflicted then in knowing that I have torn down in front of their very eyes the beautiful drawing they have rendered of me by not springing from the chasm I have fallen down with a smile on my face and light in my eyes.

Now, honestly, if these had occurred about a year ago to the first, I probably would have shrugged, been just mildly hurt, but been on my bonny way in a matter of ten minutes, fifteen tops! To the second, I might have laughed, perhaps a blush, and a thank you.
I was talking to my mother last night and something she said really hit home with me. She told me that this is not me. I, Cassidy, have been eclipsed by something dark and harsh. All of my reactions, all of the things that have happened to me lately have been amplified at such a severe level that my emotions and all they entail are essentially spinning out of my control. All I have been able to do lately it would seem is stand by in abject horror at my interactions with the people I hold dear. I am in a constant state of apology lately and I wish I had a better excuse than the one I give.
But such as my current circumstances are all I can do at this point is ask that you please have patience with me. I am sorry for my short temper. I am sorry if I seem unstable and less able to hold my own and stand on my two feet.
Tomorrow is coming. Tomorrow I will smile. Tomorrow I will be able to stand without crying into your shoulder. But if you cannot wait for tomorrow. If you cannot have patience with me. Then I beg of you, don't stand within range of my blast zone and I won't seek you out.

So in summation, the "something" I feel strongly about is being aware of what you do, what you say to those around you--be as aware as you can be of their current situation and don't be completely surprised or angry or upset if they don't respond in the way you imagine they would/should. Do your best to do no harm--especially to those that you love or hope to keep close when tomorrow comes.